The Bonds Between Us
by high-off-music
Summary: I was just as broken as he was, but I knew I could save him. He needed someone to trust, and I promised him I'd be there for him. We had made a bond, a bond I would remember for the rest of my life, and I could never let that bond be broken. Ever.
1. Chapter 1

You know those stories that pop into your head and won't leave you alone until you write them? This is one of them. Please review and let me know if you think I should continue.

I've learned quite a bit in my twenty one years, but probably the most important thing I've learned about are the bonds between people. People make bonds everyday; every miniscule encounter with a stranger forms a bond, even if it doesn't seem like it. What is significant about bonds is the fact that they come in all strengths and types. The bond between friends and family is stronger than the bond between someone you just met, but there are always bonds.

I've also learned that while strong bonds are essential for friendships and families and just plain life in general, when bonds are severed, it makes it hard to reattach them, or form new ones.

I think I was about fourteen when I realized that the bond I had between my mom and I had never really existed. My dad had died when I was younger, which left just my mom, my sister, and me. Maybe it was the fact that I looked a lot like my dad, maybe it was the fact that my mom didn't want me around because I was a constant reminder of what she lost, but whatever the reason, she detached herself from me. It happened a long time ago before I was fourteen, but it took me till then to realize she didn't really care for me. She was waiting, just waiting for an opportunity to kick me out and send me out on my own before I turned eighteen. I never knew why she wanted me gone so badly, but all I knew was that I had to watch myself because one slip up and I was a goner.

I watched every move I made for the next year, but one day she just snapped. She kicked me out, gave me twenty bucks, and told me I wasn't welcome in her home anymore.

Let's just say I didn't make it more than a couple weeks before I got picked up by the cops and put into foster care. I wasn't meant for street life, and my bright red hair made me stand out too much to just blend in with my surroundings. I lied to the police about my family, saying they were all dead, changed my last name, and tried to make myself forget my past life. I'm not going to go into detail about those three years in foster care, because I'd rather not bring up those memories.

But for some reason, even though I hated my years in the system, once I was out and on my own, I was strangely drawn back. I guess that was why I decided to get a job at the agency.

"This will be your room Axel. Sorry it's pink, we're getting it painted in a couple days." The blonde showing me around gave me a sympathetic smile and I cracked a smile back. "The last girl who worked here left in a such a hurry, and we really needed someone else so we hired you as quickly as we could, and painting your room was the last thing on our minds." I laughed quietly as I put down my bags in the very girly room I was going to be living in.

"It's fine. The color of my room wasn't really on the top of my list importance wise when I applied." I turned to see her smiling at me.

"Oh good, and one of the kids we have staying here really wants to paint it, so we're letting him. I hope you don't mind blue."

I shrugged. "I'm more of a red kind of guy." I pointed to my hair and she laughed. At least my co-worker had a sense of humor. "But I'm pretty sure I'll be able to deal with blue. I'll muddle through."

"Well thanks. I'll let you get settled then, and tomorrow I'll show you what you'll be doing most of the time." She turned to leave and the paused and turned around, her expression changed. "Oh, but I have to warn you, your first night here is always a little rough, and I'll probably need your help at some point. If you wake up, which you probably will, just come find me."

I furrowed my brow in confusion. "What are you talking about Elena?"

She shook her head and started to leave again. "I don't want to worry you too much, you'll find out." I opened my mouth to ask her again but she had already left, shutting my door behind her.

I slumped down onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. At least that wasn't pink. Why did I end up back in a place like this, but this time by my own free will?

It was my first day as an employee of Better Days. Ironic name, seeing as this was a place for kids who had been through the foster care system for a long time and weren't getting out anytime soon and who suffered from serious emotional problems from traumatic events. The system, the same one I had gone through, had especially helped to fuck up the minds of these kids to the point of borderline emotional instability. Here, I was like a mentor, a social worker, a friend to these kids, call me whatever you like. My goal was to help at least one of these kids, to do what no one did for me growing up. I just wanted to show at least one kid that I was an adult they could trust, and I wasn't going to leave them like everyone else did to them, or to me.

Tiredly I started to unpack my clothes, trying to imagine what kind of events my first night had in store for me.

It was about one in the morning when I realized what Elena had been talking about. The crying and the yelling was what woke me so quickly my head flew off my pillow and I was out of my bed before my brain had time to wake up. In nothing but my sweatpants and an old white tank top I hurried down to Elena's room to find it empty. The crying was still loud enough for me to hear, even though it was one the floor below me, so I ran down the stairs two at a time until I finally reached a room down the hall with the room opened. I saw Elena kneeling next to one of the beds, holding a young girl, probably eight or nine, who was sobbing and crying. "I told him to leave mommy alone, why wouldn't he leave her alone! Mommy, I want my mommy." Elena cooed in her ear, stroking her hair with one hand and the other wrapped around her protectively.

I glance around the room to see other children fast asleep, or with pillows over their heads trying to sleep. It took a while for the girl to calm down, but Elena stayed by her side the whole time. Eventually the girl's tears started to cease and after blowing her nose and hugging Elena tight she curled back up into bed, exhausted from her emotional breakdown.

When Elena turned around, I saw her tired face in the moonlight, making her look ten years older than I knew she was. She jumped when she saw me, but then walked over to be and ushered me out into the hallway. Another child could be heard talking and crying out in his sleep, and Elena started to walk towards their room. "This poor kids, it's like this almost every night. It's always impossible to sleep on nights like this, especially on your first night." I nodded, walking slowly next to her, until I heard the screaming.

It was coming from upstairs, and though it was distant it still made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Elena's eyes grew wide and looked from the room with the young boy crying ahead of us and then up towards the blood curdling screams. "That's Roxas." Her voice was shaky, but I knew she dealt with the Roxas kid frequently. "Please, can you go wake him up? Do it carefully, but don't touch him. Just stay with him until he falls asleep. He just needs someone there for him, but I've got other kids down here too. Thank you." She hurried off down the hall and I hurried off towards the stairs.

These I ran up three at a night, my adrenaline pushing my legs to run faster and faster in the direction of the screams.

It turned out the kid was a floor above my room, and when I finally reached his room my heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest and I was panting so hard my lungs burned. I rushed over to the kid who was thrashing about, concealed by his cover, and extended an arm to shake him awake but remembered Elena's warning. Through his screams I managed to shout at him. "Roxas! Roxas wake up!" Nothing worked, until I took a step back from his bed and screamed at the top of my lungs.

"WAKE UP ROXAS!" I felt bad as the kid flew up, disentangling himself form his covers so he could sit up, panting and out of breath.

I guess I hadn't really been concerned about what the kid looked like, but as his terrified and wide eyes looked over at me, I was left momentarily breathless.

The kid was in a word beautiful. Even out of breath and terrified and his face only illuminated by the moonlight shining through his window, his eyes were the most vibrant and beautiful blue I had ever seen. In the moonlight, he almost looked surreal, like some kind of angel. Well, an emotionally troubled, blonde haired angel.

"Sorry, you wouldn't wake up." I muttered when I found my voice. He slumped back onto his pillow, his eyes still wide and staring at the ceiling. "Are you alright?"

"No." His voice was rough and shaky and sounded so much younger than he looked, but I figured it had been from the screaming. I was even scared to imagine what he had been dreaming about; what he had lived through that was so traumatic it invaded his very subconscious. "But I'll get over it. I always do, enough so I can go back to sleep." He turned to look at me, suddenly realizing he had no idea who he was, and I saw the panic in his eyes as he pulled the sheets up to his chin, as if trying to protect himself with what feeble resources he had. "Who the heck are you? Where's Elena?"

"Calm down, I just started working here. I replaced Marlene. My name's Axel." I saw his relax a little, but not much. "Elena sent me, she said you need someone to stay with you, until you can fall back asleep." I sat myself down into the chair near the foot of his bed. "So I'm here to stay."

He snorted, which surprised me, and turned onto his side, away form me. "If I had a quarter for every time someone said that to me, I would be a very rich man."

"Man? I think you mean kid."

"Shut up I'm fifteen, and what are you, eighteen, nineteen? Not much older than me."

"I'm twenty one." Roxas fell silent with that and I just watched as his form slowly rose and fell with each breath he took. "I'm not going to leave until you fall asleep, don't worry." The kid slowly turned onto his other side and in silence we watched each other.

"Promise?" The tough façade was gone and in its place I saw a very fragile and very worried kid, even if he didn't think he was a kid. I leaned forward.

"I promise. Got it memorized?"


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning I had a hard time waking up and getting out my warm and comfortable bed. It had taken Roxas much longer than I had anticipated to fall asleep, and somewhere along the way I had fallen asleep in his chair, which explained the throbbing pain that radiated down my neck to by back as I groggily sat up. I had barely gotten any sleep, and the full effect of a night of little sleep was catching up to me. With a tired sigh I dragged my legs off of my bed and my feet landed with a dull thud on the cold hardwood floor, making me shiver as I stood up. Still in a sleepy haze I threw on the closest clothes I could find, a pair of dark jeans and a black t-shirt, and wandered out of my room and towards Elena's.

I glanced at my clock on the way out to find it was 9:15, and with a sudden rush of panic I realized that I had slept in later than I had wanted, and when Elena's room was empty I hurried downstairs towards the kitchen.

Mumbling apologies, I rushed through the kitchen and passed a few of the other staff working on cleaning up breakfast, and I grabbed a lone blueberry muffin as I flew out the door into the cafeteria, nearly running over Elena in the process.

"Axel!" She gasped in surprise, and through a mouthful of muffin I attempted to apologize, but she only laughed at me. "It's fine, don't worry." I managed to shallow enough so I could talk again.

"I'm so sorry I slept in so late Elena." I started to make a full apology, but she cut me off.

"Axel, Axel it's fine, I let you sleep because I figured you were up with Roxas pretty late. And like I said before, the first night is always pretty rough." She gave me a knowing smile and motioned for me to follow her. As we walked down hallways I wasn't familiar with yet I systematically devoured my breakfast as I listened to Elena explaining what I would be doing today. "Alright, so you'll have two main jobs here; mentor and tutor." I nodded in agreement, since I had figured that I would be at least one of those things. I had gone to college for three years and I had taken summer classes so I could graduate early, which left me with a degree in social work and a minor in English, and the want to help people who had gone through the same things I had. "We're lucky you came along, because the fact that you went to college for social work is really helpful. Now I know you haven't really had any experience working with kids like these, but having some kind of background and education in how to act and what to say, and more importantly what not to say, can be a lifesaver. Most people we have are volunteers, and so many of them just don't know how to, well, act I guess around these kids when they're mentoring and talking with them. I'll introduce you to one of the other tutors you'll report to everyday after your lessons are over, and then another tutor and mentor who's been with us forever practically. Oh, there's Demyx now!"

A guy around my age had just stepped out from one of the rooms down the hallway, and looked up at us when he heard his name. He smiled this crazy happy excited smile, but I was momentarily distracted by his hair. Was that really a blond faux Mohawk mullet? I did a once over; noticing his eyes were happy and blue, though nowhere near as bright a blue as Roxas's. He was wearing a neon blue band t-shirt and jeans, but I fixed my attention back on his face when he started walking towards us. "Hey hey Elena! What's going on?" His gaze switched over to me, his eyes narrowing in confusion and he stepped over towards me a bit too close for my liking. "And who are you?"

"Axel…" I replied, trying to discretely back away from this guy. Now, don't get me wrong, he seemed pleasant enough, but I wasn't a big fan of strangers popping my personal space bubble. He let out a 'hmm' in reply, and before I could figure out what he was doing he had one of my long red strands of hair between two of his fingers, scrutinizing it as his brow furrowed.

"It's so soft…" He muttered, and as he let go of the strands of my hair he quickly reached up and started patting the spikes on top of my head, much to my dislike and confusion. "Wow, what kind of gel do you use? It's amazing; I need stuff like this it would totally make my hair look bad ass! And is that your _real _hair color? I doubt it; I mean come on, who has hair that obnoxiously bright red naturally." He rambled on, more to himself than me, and I heard Elena sigh next to me.

"Demyx… remember what I told you about personal space?" The guy's eyes lit up happily at the sound of his name being called, but as the person kept talking he slightly cringed and slowly turned around to face them with a guilty expression on his face.

"Sorry Zexy." He replied guiltily as he bowed his head down a little. I moved my gaze from the blonde to a guy around my age a few feet down the hall. His light blue hair cascaded in spikes down the right side of his face, completely obscuring his right eye and cheek. He looked slightly bored and yet was that a hint of amusement gleaming in his eyes, or was I just over analyzing him? He was wearing a black sweater and black jeans, and in his arms was an assortment of heavy looking books and papers were neatly stacked on top.

"Must you always call me that Demyx?" He muttered as he started to turn to walk the opposite way down the hallway.

"W-wait! Zexy wait for me! You know I call you Zexy cause you're my sexy Zexy, don't be mad!" The blond bolted after the bluenette down the hallway, calling out a 'later!' to Elena and me. We stood there for a moment, and I tried to absorb the quirks of my newfound co-workers. At least I knew I wouldn't be bored here.

Elena cleared her throat beside me and I glanced over. "Well, you've actually just met both of the people I was going to introduce you to…well, you sort of met both of them. And I'm sorry about Demyx, he's just sort of, well; there really isn't a way to describe him, same with Zexion, the blue haired one. They're both a little quirky, but that's what makes you love them." She smiled and we started walking down the hall towards where the other two had disappeared. "Zexion's very quiet, and very focused on the lessons and tutoring, so don't be offended if it takes him a little while to open up to you. And he's quite sarcastic and his bark is worse than his bite, so try not to take everything he says to heart." Elena stopped beside one of the doors and opened it quickly, but just as she did there was a muffled shout from inside, and I caught a flash of blonde and blue. She let out a frustrated sigh and knocked this time.

"One second!" Demyx cheerfully called from inside, and Elena rolled her eyes.

"By the way, the two of them are kind of a couple, so knock before you enter anywhere. And I mean anywhere. Trust me, it's not pleasant if you don't." I nodded as the door opened and Demyx appeared, slightly flushed and his hair a bit out of place as he adjusted his t-shirt.

"Hey again!" He replied and opened the door enough for us to walk in. Zexion was sitting at a desk in the front of the room, completely composed and calm except for the hint of pink that had spread out across his face, and I tried hard not to snicker. Elena quickly introduced me before running off, leaving me alone in a room with these two.

"So, have you ever been a tutor before, or a teacher of any kind?" Zexion asked me without looking up from his book a moment after Elena left. I stood awkwardly in front of the desk like I was back in high school, being interrogated by my teacher.

"Well, no, not really. I mean, I tutored a kid back in tenth grade, but that doesn't really count does it?" Zexion didn't move his head as his only visible eye looked up at me and then back down at his book.

"No, not really." He let out a sigh and closed his book, standing up and looking me over. "Well, class starts in half an hour, so I suggest you read over the lesson for today. I'm not going to go easy on you though, just because it's your first day. You can have one of the more complex students and I'll see how you can handle yourself. I expect a full report on the lesson when you're done, and if it's not on my desk before four-thirty, well…." He glanced over at Demyx who was absentmindedly staring out the window, playing notes on an imaginary guitar. "I'll let Demyx cut your hair however he wants." He looked back at me with his eyes serious and his expression cold. Geez, there was no messing around with this guy. I nodded in compliance and grabbed the lesson material off the desk and sat down in a chair across the room.

Half an hour later, I was pretty confident this wasn't going to be very hard. I was supposed to go through an essay of some kind the kid wrote with, work on some grammar exercises, and then read a chapter of whatever book this kid was reading with him. Although vague in a lot of areas, I figured it wouldn't be that hard, unless the kid was completely horrible which Zexion sort of implied. A few minutes after I was done reading through the plan I heard a knock on the door, and slowly three unenthusiastic students walked in. The first was a girl around fifteen or so, with long brown hair and green eyes. She seemed pleasant enough, and the more I looked at her the more she seemed familiar, until I realized she had been in the room with the crying little girl last night. As she walked in she looked over at me, and her eyes widened a little and her cheeks turned a lit pink as she hurried towards Zexion's desk. I had to suppress the tiny grin that was forming from her reaction. Damn, I did have it going on, or my hair frightened her.

The next person that entered was a girl about the same age as the first, with straight blond hair and big blue eyes. Her skin was so pale, she almost looked angelic, and she kept her eyes on the floor as she followed the girl in front of her.

Last but not least I watched as the third person walked inside and glanced over at me. My green eyes met stunning blue, and we held each other's gaze for a moment before he turned and silently followed the two girls to Zexion's desk. Roxas seemed different in light that wasn't just from the moon, but there was something about him that still momentarily took my breath away. Zexion handed out papers and Demyx finally snapped back into reality and practically skipped over to Zexion's desk.

"Axel, hurry up." Zexion called out as I lazily stood up and sauntered over. Half way to the desk Demyx picked up a paper back book off the desk and chucked it at me, catching me off guard and I barely was able to catch it.

"Thanks, Demyx." I grumbled as he gave me a wide grin, not catching a hint of my sarcasm, and picked his own book up off the desk as he followed the first girl to the other side of the room.

"Roxas, this is your new English teacher, Mr.…." Zexion glanced up at me looking for a last name, but before I could even open my mouth to reply, Roxas interrupted.

"I already know his name." He replied, and started walked towards the door. "Hurry up Axel." He called without turning around, and I hurried after him. I felt like this kid was going to be a handful, but I followed after him like a dutiful dog anyways. I walked in silence behind him until we reached an empty classroom down the hallway. Roxas paused in the doorway, the door propped open a little with his foot, but before I had time to ask him what was wrong he pressed a hand against the door and opened it.

The room was small, with a few desks scattered about the classroom, and I opted to sit in one across from Roxas. I figured this way I could watch his expressions better, so I could tell if any thing I said affected him. Plus, he was just so damn cute I didn't want to take my eyes off of him.

"So…" I said after a few awkward moments of silence.

"Here's my essay. You don't have to read it, just write an A on it and pretend you did." Roxas replied, passing me a wrinkled piece of paper. My fingers brushed against his for a moment and I watched his expression carefully. He dropped the paper and recoiled his hand, avoiding my eyes as he watched the paper gently float down onto the desk. His eyes flashed fear for a moment before fading into an emotion I couldn't read. I knew then that I really did have my work cut out for me with this kid. Part of me, the more impulsive side, wanted to just ask him why he was like that, to ask him what had happened in his life to make him so jumpy, to know everything about him. But another part of me, the more rational side told me that would be an absolutely fucked up idea. No one wanted to have to spill their guts about their lives to some random person, especially not someone who was living in a home for troubled children and teens with no families.

I mumbled a quiet apology and picked up the paper, but instead of just following Roxas's advice I decided to actually read the essay. After I had read through the first paragraph, Roxas spoke up.

"I said you didn't have to read it." He wasn't angry. The way he said it made it seem like he was sad, as if he thought I cared so little I couldn't even read a one page essay on the first half of _The Grapes of Wrath_.

"Yeah, I know." I replied and focused my attention back on the essay. When I was done I looked up to see Roxas studying me with a puzzled expression. "What, kid?" I smirked as he furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes at me.

"I'm not a kid." He grumbled, slouching back in his chair and crossing his arms across his chest.

"You are to me, kiddo." He glared. "But anyways, what was that look for?" I watched as his expression softened and faded as he cast his gaze on the essay in front of me.

"It's just, most teachers don't actually care enough to actually read my essay or crap like that. They just slap an A on the top cause they know I'm smart and that's that."

I nodded in understanding, and picked up the essay again and turned it so it was facing him as I slid it in front of him. "Well, I care, and I could tell that your writing is probably never read." He looked up at me with bright blue eyes filled with confusion, and I tried to not get sucked in by how entrancing they were. "I mean, it's good, but some stuff you wrote is absolute crap. Look at the third paragraph, and tell me that whole thing about symbolism is just crap you made up to finish up your essay." I smirked and he leaned forward and read through the paragraph, and then grinned. It wasn't a very big grin, but it was still visible.

"Yeah, you're right. It is crap, but how was I supposed to know I'd get a new teacher who would turn out to be a hard ass?" My eyes widened slightly at the last two words spoke by the blonde, and as the played over and over again in my head I had to kick myself under the table to get my mind out of the gutter.

"Sucks to be you I guess." I replied after I had gotten my composure back and mirrored him by leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms across my chest. "Now, get back to work. You're going to have to redo that paragraph before I can even consider giving you anything above a B-." He frowned and groaned as he leaned forward over the desk and began to re-read his essay. I smirked down at him.

This was really going to be an interesting job…

I tutored Roxas for about an hour and then tutored three different kids afterwards until it was about four. Remembering Zexion's threat, I hurriedly wrote out four lesson reports and when the clocked turned four-thirty the papers were neatly placed in front of the blue haired man on his desk. Demyx flashed me a happy smile and gave me a thumbs up, which I happily returned. The more I was around him the less annoying he was appearing. He was started to grow on me. Zexion, though, ignored my extremely prompt delivery of my reports. I stood in front of his desk for a moment before he glanced up at me with one visible eye and gave me a 'what else do you need look?' which I took as me cue to leave.

The rest of the day was fairly simple. Elena told me tomorrow Demyx would show me the ropes for mentoring, and I helped set up and clean up after dinner. I caught a few glimpses of Roxas, and at one moment he noticed me too. We stood looking at each other for a moment until one of the other staff nearly plowed me over with a stack of plates, which broke our connection. When I had picked myself up off the ground I looked over at where Roxas had been, but he was gone.

That night, I decided to hit the sack early, because I was pretty sure that I would be awoken sometime in the middle of the night, and I figured some sleep would probably be better than none.

As I had predicted, crying woke me up some hours later, and I stumbled down the halls in search of Elena. However, my search was cut short when I heard the familiar screams from upstairs. Acting on instinct I bolted in the directions of the stairs and with my heart beating widely in my chest and my lungs aching I managed to run up the few flights of stairs and down the hall to Roxas's room. I burst in without hesitation to find Roxas thrashing about as he tangled himself more and more into his sheets, screaming as he did so. With my adrenaline pumping I ran over next to his bed and started frantically calling out his name, but with no use. No matter how loud I shouted he just wouldn't wake up. As the screams started to get louder I forgot about Elena's rule and placed a hand on Roxas's shoulder, shaking him without being too rough.

The moment my hand started to shake him awake, Roxas bolted up in bed with wide eyes screaming. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Leave me alone! Leave me alone!" I saw the tears start rolling down his cheeks as he turned to look at me with those bright blue eyes clouded by pure fear and terror.

"Roxas, it's me, Axel." I told him, looking into his eyes, my hand hovering above his shoulder without making any contact.

"Axel…?" He whispered, slowly coming back into reality.

"Yeah, kid, it's me. It was just a dream, don't worry." With that his eyes turned away from me and stared un-focusing just past my head.

"Just a…dream." He echoed in a whisper as a few tears slowly trailed down his cheeks and he quickly wiped them away. "Sorry." He mumbled as he lay back down on his bed, his eyes focused on the ceiling.

"Don't be." I replied, not moving from my spot beside his bed. After a while he tore his gaze away from the ceiling and locked his gaze with mine.

"You don't have to stay, if you don't want to…" He told me quietly, but I shook my head.

"Nah, it's fine. I really don't care. In fact, I'd rather stay here with you." I quickly turned away as the last part slipped out, and I made my way over to the chair beside his bed. He didn't say anything for a while, and the lack of sleep the night before and the surprising comfort of the chair soon started to lull me off to sleep.

"Hey, Axel?" His voice was quiet, but it pulled me out of my sleepy state.

"Hmm…yeah?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For caring, or at least, for pretending to." I looked over and met bright blue eyes. Roxas was curled up in a ball facing me, and that same unreadable expression was plastered on his face again. But this time, was it the moonlight, or was there a hint of gratefulness and…

…admiration?

"You're welcome, kid."

"Don't call me that."

"Whatever you say, kiddo."

I heard him sigh and I watched as he closed his eyes and drifted off the sleep. I wasn't very fall behind.

Sorry for the ridiculously late update, but I hope you liked it. Please review, they really brighten my day and motivate me to keep writing!


	3. Chapter 3

"Axel."

"Axel…wake up."

"Axel!" I let out a groan of protest towards the voice that was trying to wake me up, and turned my head away from the person. Unfortunately, since I wasn't completely awake yet, I neglected to remember I was sitting in a wooden chair. When I jerked my head in the other direction the side of my head hitting wood resounded in a loud thud.

"Ow…" I grumbled out as I sat up and rubbed my head prying open my eyes that were still filled with sleep. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to the light shining in the window, but soon a pair of bright blue eyes, chaotic blond hair, and a small guilty smile filled my vision.

"Sorry." He apologized quietly as he stepped back away from me so I could stand and stretch out my stiff limbs. "I didn't mean to make you hit your head." He gave me a sheepish look and I gave him a sleepy smile in return.

"Nah, you're fine." I replied blinking the last of my sleep out of my eyes. "What time is it?" I looked down at Roxas to see he was still in the sweatpants and t-shirt he had been sleeping in, so I figured it wasn't too late in the morning.

"Breakfast time." He said with a smile spreading across his face as he moved and began giving me a soft shove towards the door. "Now hurry up and go change, and don't take forever like usual."

I let out a soft chuckle as I let myself be shoved towards the door without putting up a fight. There was something about the blonde that made me unable to ever disagree with him. "All right, all right I'm going."

Soon I found myself wandering the hallways back towards my room. This had become a common part of my daily routine since I started work two weeks ago. I helped out Elena during breakfast, tutored with Zexion and Demyx in the afternoon, started working on becoming a mentor after dinner, and was up at all hours of the night with Roxas whenever he needed me. I turned a corner and was almost back to my room when I saw my door was open halfway, which was weird since I distinctly remember shutting it when I left that night.

I shook any uneasy thoughts away as I walked down the hall and into my room. I figured that it was probably one of the other workers wondering where I was. As I walked in I almost let out a very unmanly squeal when I found there was already someone in my room, but I saved myself just in time.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to frighten you." The girl stated so quietly I could barely hear her when he saw my slightly shocked expression. "Elena told me to come find you, because I'm going to be painting your room. My name's Naminé, by the way." She gave me a timid smile and I realized she was one of the girls who were taught by Zexion while I was teaching Roxas. I noticed there wasn't a single blond hair out of place and her eyes were blue like Roxas, but they lacked the depth and sheer breathtaking beauty that he possessed.

"It's alright." I replied with a smile as I stuck out my hand. "The name's Axel, nice to officially meet you." Naminé looked down at my hand for a moment as if confused as to what she should do before shyly reaching her hand out and giving my hand an extremely awkward and small handshake. Did she think I was a weirdo or something? I mean, last time I checked she was the one snooping around in my room, not the other way around.

"Well, I think I'm going to be painting tomorrow, so now that you know I'll let you start packing up your stuff." Her timid smile grew a little brighter as she slipped past me and towards the door. Before I could even turn around and ask where she expected me to put all my stuff, she was gone. I let out a tired and confused sigh and quickly changed into my clothes for the day, which was what I had originally come in here for.

Ten minutes later I scrambled into the kitchen just as all the kids started to file into the cafeteria. I glanced quickly at the job assignments for the day and let out a discouraged groan. Today I was supposed to be working in the kitchen serving out whatever the hot meal was. See, I didn't mind the actual act of serving the breakfast for today, waffles, but what I hated was that in the kitchen I had to wear a hairnet.

"Careful, I think you're going to break your hairnet if you stretch it any farther." Demyx teased me as he was passing out plates across the kitchen.

"Oh shut up, it's just because of my hair and you know it." I childishly stuck out my tongue towards him and Demyx mirrored my reaction. "It's hard to tame this sexy mane with a flimsy hairnet."

"Sexy mane? I think you're ego's just too big and it's inflating your brainless head." I looked over to see Larxene, one of the other workers grinning evilly over at me.

"Hey, don't be bitter over the fact that a guy has better hair than you Larxy." She shot me a death glare before stomping out into the cafeteria with a tray of drinks. Axel: 1. Larxene: 0. Although I knew Larxene never went down that easily, I still put on a happy grin as I finally managed to pull my hair back and under the hair net as I started helping to serve out the breakfast.

I spotted a chaotic mess of spiky blonde hair slowly make it's way down the line before stopping in front of me with a wide grin. Blue eyes wandered to my hairnet and as he started to laugh I hastily placed a waffle on his plate. "Next." I called out, giving him a look that read 'don't you dare talk about my hair,' and he laughed louder but kept walking. About half an hour later I, along with Demyx, Larxene, Zexion, Elena, and one of the other newer workers Xion, was sitting at one of the empty table inside the cafeteria scarfing down my breakfast.

For most of breakfast I stayed quiet and watched how the older workers interacted with each other. Demyx was systematically shoveling down his breakfast while at the same time talking a mile a minutes, and with food in his mouth of course, and with one are happily draped over Zexion's shoulders. Zexion, on the other hand, was fairly quiet as he sat reading over what I guessed was his lesson plan for the day while calmly and slowly eating his breakfast. The two of them were funny to watch, because Demyx seemed like the kind of person Zexion would hate, and vice versa, but instead they a couple. Man, life is weird some times…

Speaking of weird things, I had a hard time ever talking to Larxene and paying attention to what she was saying because of her hair. Now, I tried to block what she said most of the time anyways because it was always mostly bitchy and rude, but those antennae things that she made her hair look like were just… bizarre. While I was contemplating how Larxene even got her hair to look like that, and if it was intentional, I felt someone tap me gently on the shoulder.

I turned around in my seat to find Roxas standing beside me looking increasingly nervous, his eyes darting back and forth between me and everyone else at the table. "Can I walk to you for a minute?" He whispered, and I nodded and hastily got up out of my seat and started to follow him.

"Hey Ax! Wait where are you going you're missing the best part of my joke!" Demyx called out after me, but I waved him off and called out I'd be back in a second. As I followed Roxas I realized he always tried to stay a few steps ahead of me, and he never looked back to make sure I was still there. Did he already know the kind of control he had over me? Goddamn I hope not, cause I'm screwed if he does.

"What's up, Roxas?" I asked after we had been walking for a while down hallways and up stairs I hadn't seen before.

"Be patient." He replied, and finally stopped in front of a room at the end of the hall. "We're here, anyways." Roxas gave me a sheepish grin as he opened the door to reveal two boys sitting on opposite side of a small room.

"Roxas!" One of the boys shouted out and bounded towards us. His brown spiky hair bounced on top of his head when he ran and he looked over at me with blue eyes that rivaled Roxas's.

"Hi, Sora." Roxas replied with a little less crazed enthusiasm. "Hey Riku." He said towards the other boy who was sprawled out on his bed reading a book. The boy, Riku, glanced up and gave a friendly smile and a small wave before returning to his book. Ugh, another Zexion, I thought to myself, always consumed by books.

"Is this Axel?" Sora asked as he shifted over towards me and studied me intently with his forehead scrunched in concentration.

"Personal space." Riku called out towards Sora with a mocking tone in his voice, and I couldn't help but crack a smile. They reminded me of two other people I knew here…

"Oh shut up you." Sora stuck his tongue out at Riku before turning back towards me with his hand extended to me. "I'm Sora by the way. It's nice to finally meet you, Roxas's told me all about you."

I glanced over at Roxas as I shook Sora's hand and he was glaring daggers Sora's way, and his face was even turning a lit shade of pink. "Gosh Sora, I haven't told you all about him, stop exaggerating." The blonde chided as he sat down onto Sora's bed. "Anyways, Axel, this is my brother. He's a year older than me, but he acts half is age." Riku let out a small chuckle from his bed and Sora shot him a look.

"I do not." The brunette whined, folding his arms across his chest. The rest of us laughed at his childish behavior.

Sora, in act of revenge on his brother, decided to tell a few stories of all the embarrassing things Roxas had ever done. They were all pretty amusing, but the more I listened to them the more I realized that they all took place here, not at where ever they lived before. It made sense, since I figured what ever happened to get them sent here was not a happy memory, but it was sad to think about how these two kids had been here for so many years. At least, I thought as Roxas turned red from embarrassment as Sora recalled the time he had been locked out of his room with nothing but a towel a few months ago, they seemed to be doing ok.

A few stories later and my stomach hurting from laughing, I forced myself to get up and Roxas followed me as we left the two boys in order to make sure we weren't late for tutoring today. Roxas shuffled along beside me, and I chanced a few glances down at him to see him smiling, but his face was still a bit red. I smiled, and gave him a small nudge with my elbow. He looked up at me confused, and when he saw me smiling at him his face grew just a shade more embarrassed.

"So, your brother seems nice." I joked and he shot me a mocking glare.

"Yeah, nice, that's the word I'd use to describe him." He snorted in response.

"But remember, he's your older brother, making fun of younger siblings is just the way the world works." He sighed and I saw a smile tugging at his lips.

"I know, and I love him and everything, it's just he's a pain in the butt sometimes. And really overprotective. I mean; that's why I had to bring you to meet him. I said you were my new tutor, and he immediately wanted to meet you to make sure you weren't creepy or anything and wouldn't stop bugging me until I did." He gave a small laugh and gave me a sympathetic look. "So sorry for Sora, he's a little overwhelming when you first meet him." I laughed loudly as we walked into Zexion's classroom.

"It's ok, he's cool." I replied as I flung open the door without remembering to knock. Roxas and I stood in the doorway, frozen for a moment, as we both happened to stumble in on a particularly heating make-out scene between my fellow co-workers.

"You're early!" Demyx shouted, in both surprise and confusion as Zexion twisted around in his seat shoving the blonde off his lap. Even under the hair covering his face I could still see his face beaming bright red. I opened my mouth to say something but I was silenced as a heavy book was thrown at my guy and almost knocked the wind out of me as I caught it. Roxas bent down and picked up a few papers that had been thrown along with the book off the floor and tugged the back of my shirt and pulled me out of the room. With a heavy thud he pulled the door completely shut, and we stood outside for a moment awkwardly trying to get over the shock of seeing the two so…intimate.

"Wow." I finally managed to get out, and I saw Roxas nod vigorously in agreement. After a few moments we finally were able to move and I hurried after Roxas all the way to our classrooms. He was acting weird after the encounter with Zexion and Demyx, but I didn't try to think much of it because it was pretty traumatic for a kid. I mean, Zexion and Demyx were _really _getting into it, and even I couldn't help the heat that rushed to my face that was only starting to disappear.

Our lesson started out like normal, only without us talking as much. Roxas was halfway through filling out a worksheet when he put down his pencil and hesitantly looked at me.

"Did you know Zexion and Demyx were…gay?" His face turned slightly pink when he uttered the last words, and I couldn't help the smile that spread over my lips.

"Yeah, why?" I replied while shrugging my shoulders.

Roxas paused for a moment, and he eyes stayed fixed on a point just to the right of my head. "Do you care? I mean, that they're gay?"

I blinked in surprise and then replied, "No, I don't. It'd be kind of ironic if I did." I laughed, and Roxas looked at me confused.

"Why?"

"Well, kid, I'm gay too." His expression turned unreadable, and I felt my stomach do a flip nervously as I waited for Roxas to say something. A huge part of me was growing increasingly worried with every second of silence between us.

"Oh."

"Oh?" I questioned, not content with such a vague answer.

"W-well, I…I'm gay too, and I, well, I just wanted to make sure you weren't one of those crazy homophobes or anything." His voice was quiet and soft and gained volume towards the end, as though he was scrambling for his words or an excuse for bringing the two of them up.

I sat staring at him as he picked up his pencil and started scribbling out words on his worksheet. A grin wormed its way onto my face the longer I started over at him and the longer his face stayed a particularly bright shade of red.

This kid was a piece of work.

In a good way though, of course.

After tutoring, mentoring, dinner, and any last minute cleaning projects for the night I had collapsed in my bed completely exhausted. As soon as my head it the pillow I was out like a light.

Until, of course, I was awoken from my blissful sleep by a hand on my shoulder gently shaking me.

"Axel." My eyes sleepily opened up to see Elena hovering over my bed. "Axel, it's Roxas. I can't get him to calm down, he keeps saying he needs you." She told me with worry and concern lacing her voice. I shot up out of bed and rushed past her and in a rush of adrenaline the sleep faded from my body as I headed towards Roxas's room. I couldn't believe what a fucking idiot I was for sleeping through the one time a night Roxas really needed me. Stupid, stupid, stupid me.

I bounded down the hall and into Roxas's room to find him huddled on his bed, his knees pressed up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. As I rushed to the side of his bed I could see him shaking, and I felt my heart break. "Roxas, hey Roxas it's me. It's Axel. I'm sorry it took me so long to get here." I panted out as I placed a hand on Roxas's shaking shoulders, and he immediately broke down. It threw me off guard for second before I instinctively pulled him towards me so he was crying on my shoulder. His hands shakily made there way around my back and as he sobbed he tightly gripped the fabric of my T-shirt.

"I-It's just…the dreams…they're so…real." He replied between silent sobs, which shook his body as he muffled his voice in my shoulder.

Slowly I wrapped my arms around him and gently rubbed my hand up and down his back. "Hey, hey it's ok kid, it's ok. It was just a dream, it's not real." I whispered to him over and over until he finally clamed himself down and stopped crying. We sat there even after he was done crying just holding each other, and I pulled away too soon for my liking because I didn't want to make him feel awkward.

Like every other night, I started to make my way over to my chair, but as I stood to walk away I felt Roxas grab my arm. I turned to look at him confused, but he didn't meet my gaze as he shifted himself over to the far end of the bed. "You don't have to sleep in the chair, if you don't want to." He sniffed and with his free hand wiped away a stray tear that was still left in his eyes as he left the hand on my arm gently fall away.

I stared down at him for what felt like forever, trying to figure out if he really would be ok with me sleeping in the same bed with him. Roxas got impatient with me after a few minutes and reached out his hand again and pulled me towards the bed until I was sitting down. With that I gave in and pulled my legs up on the bed and pulled Roxas's thin sheets over top of me. I placed my hands behind my head as I stared up at the ceiling, and then turned my head so I was looking at Roxas. He was lying on his side facing me, and lying next to him in his bed made my head spin and my stomach flip.

"Hey Axel…" Roxas started, but then his voice trailed off and his eyes shifted away from mine.

"Yeah, kid?"

"Never mind." I watched him let out a breath and close his eyes tiredly. Part of me wanted to ask him what was up, and make him tell me what was on his mind. But a bigger part of me won, and that part let him be because I knew it had been a rough night.

As I lay there in the darkness waiting for Roxas to fall asleep, I realized with a certain twinge of happiness that I was the one person that Roxas could trust enough to comfort him. I wasn't sure if it was just the fact that we had established a pattern of me waking him up every night, or the fact that he believed I cared about him, but all I could really focus on was the fact that at least he trusted me.

About half an hour later I looked over at Roxas to see him completely fast asleep. I whispered his name a few times, but when I was completely sure he was asleep I pulled my arms away from behind my head and leaned in towards him.

"Goodnight, kid." I whispered as I gently pressed my lips against his forehead. The smell of his hair, of him, was intoxicating, and I lingered for a few seconds longer not wanting to pull away. This kid was quickly pulling me deeper and deeper into emotions and feelings I hadn't experienced in a while or ever this strong before.

I guess I should've been a little scared, but when Roxas shifted closer to me in his sleep and nestled his cheek on my shoulder, I didn't feel scared.

I felt real happiness. Something I hadn't felt in a long time.

A/N: Another update! School's been crazy lately but I've been working hard to make sure I have time to keep writing so there isn't another three month gap or so inbetween updates or anything un-fun like that lol

To everyone who reviewed, favorited, or alerted this story, seriously you guys rock my world! Your reviews brighten my day and help me to be a better writer, so please review!


	4. Chapter 4

It was dark in the room when I opened my eyes the next morning. Confused, I tried to sit up to look out the window, but as I moved my arm to prop myself up I felt a weight that wasn't my own on my chest and my left arm. Groggily I looked down to see Roxas tangled up in his sheets and lying fast asleep with his head on my chest and his arms wrapped around my arm.

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as I tried as gently as possible to disentangle myself from Roxas. As I moved my arm slightly away he unconsciously held on tighter, which almost made me laugh and made the smile on my face double in size. "Come on Roxas, let go." I soothingly whispered as I attempted to detach my arm from his grasp, and after a little prodding I was finally free.

I sat on the edge of the bed letting Roxas have enough room to shift around in his sleep till he was strewn across the middle of the bed, and I let out a low chuckle. This kid was too much sometimes. A huge yawn escaped my lips and I used one hand to stifle it as my other hand lazily ran through my hair. The clock beside me cast a faint red light around the night table and even though it read 8:13, the room was still fairly dark. I shifted my gaze out of the window to see dark storm clouds rolling in.

Really now? It was finally the weekend, Saturday to be exact, and there were no classes, no mentoring sessions, just a good old-fashioned day off. And of all the days for the weather to be crappy, it was one of my only days off. I sighed and stood up, but apparently too quickly because the movement jostled Roxas in his sleep and he shifted and murmured something. I turned to see him sleepily flutter open his eyes and in a daze turn towards me.

"Go back to sleep, Roxas." I murmured with the remnants of sleep still heavy in my voice as I made my way around the bed and towards the door. Part of me wanted to stay, but a bigger part of me decided it would be a little weird to stay and watch Roxas sleep, especially if he knew I was awake. Actually, it would be very weird.

"Hey…Axel?" My hand stopped mid-turn on the doorknob and I turned my head around with a sleepy smile on my face.

"Yeah, kid?"

There was a slight pause before Roxas continued. He dropped his gaze down towards my feet, and then brought his eyes up to lock with mine and I saw a momentary flash of confidence envelop his features.

"Thanks."

I furrowed my brow in confusion slightly as I kept my gaze locked with his. "For what?"

He shot me a small glare, as though he thought I was messing with him. "Don't be dumb." He chided as he turned over and left his back towards me.

"Ok, well…Ohhh." I replied, realizing he meant thanks for spending the night with him. Thanks for…sleeping with him in the same bed. Oh. Oh my… I mean, he probably didn't mean it quite like that but hey; it was still kind of implied. "No problem k-Roxas." I faced the door again and slowly made my way out of the room.

As I walked back to my room, I had a million thoughts running through my head. One in particular that stood out to me was that I was pretty positive that when I had changed from saying 'kid' to saying Roxas' name, his whole body had tensed up in surprise. With a sigh I made my way to my room, but was caught off guard. I looked around and realized most of the things in my room had been shoved messily into boxes or piled up on top of my bed. Confused, I stared blankly at the pile of my belongings before shrugging and changing into a pair of old slightly worn out jeans and a fitted red t-shirt I was easily able to fish out of one of the boxes.

There were a few paint cans stacked in the corner, which was how I remembered my room was under repair for the weekend, and internally I groaned. Great, not only was it cold and cloudy but now I didn't even have any place of my own to escape to. As I walked out of my room a thought passed through my subconscious and I grinned to myself. Looks like a certain blue-eyed blonde haired kid might have a roommate for a few days. Well, I mean he practically did anyways with how much I was in there with him at night, but this would be the first time I would actually be in his room before he started having nightmares.

I was about halfway to the cafeteria when something strange happened. Well, technically something stranger than what normally happens around here.

One moment I had been walking around, minding my own business, contemplating whether or not to have a blueberry muffin for breakfast, when a flash of brown flew by in front of me and dragged me into an empty room as I passed by.

"What the hell?" I shouted, as I looked around the room, by heart racing in my ears, to see Riku shutting the door and Sora standing close to him with his arms crossed over his chest. He seemed to be attempting to stare me down to intimidate me, but in the tiny room I still hovered over him by a good foot and his glare looked more like a pained pout.

"For the record, I told him he was being stupid." Riku's voice broke the silence and for a second I was startled and my eyes darted between the two.

"I'm not being stupid! This is serious stuff I need to talk to him about!" Sora sent another pouty looking glare and Riku he rolled his eyes and leaned back against the door as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Then why do I need to be here?"

"We already went over this! You're the muscle in this operation!"

"And apparently the brains too."

"Hey!"

I stood silent throughout their bickering, my gaze shifting from one person to another, getting more and more confused as the argument continued.

"Um…guys?" Both boys, suddenly remembering I was still stuck in this closet of a room with them, looked over at me embarrassedly.

"Sorry." Sora and Riku mumbled as Sora turned to face me and Riku leaned back against the door. "I, well, I just wanted to talk to you without Roxas around." My brow furrowed slightly in confusion as I waited for the brunette to continue.

"It's just, I'm his older brother and well…."

"He's really over protective." Riku filled in for him, and though Sora's eye twitched ever so slightly from the unwanted interruption, he nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I am. I mean, we had a rough time a few years back, and Roxas hasn't been the same since. But, when he's around you, he actually seems like his old self. And don't get me wrong, I really happy he's happy, but I don't want to see him get hurt. It's hard for him to grow close to new people, and I just, well, I don't want him to get close to you and then have you fuck it up. Not that you will but I'm just saying." He quickly added in at the end. "I could happen."

It took me a moment to take in what Sora had just spewed out at me, but after a few moments I regained my composure and the ability to talk.

"I want you to know I would never intentionally hurt Roxas. I mean, I haven't known him for all that long but he's, well, he's special to me." I felt my cheeks warm up slightly, and I was glad the closet had bad lighting. "The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt him even more than he's been hurt, and I'll do everything I can to make sure no one else hurts him either as long as he trusts me to do so. Heck, even if he didn't want me to protect him I'd probably do it anyways. He's a good kid."

Sora studied me scrutinizing, and I couldn't read the expression in Sora or Riku's faces. Slowly, a smile spread out over Sora's face until a toothy grin enveloped his face and his eyes shone brightly even in the closet. "You're a good guy, Axel. And I trust you, but if you give me any reason not too…"

"He'll sick me after you." I looked over at Riku about to smile until I saw the dead serious expression and I felt a tiny wave of panic spread over me.

"Don't worry, you won't need to." I replied shakily, running a nervous hand through my spiky hair. Riku nodded and gave me a small, reassuring smile and I glanced back at Sora. He walked towards me with his face still smiling and patted me on the shoulder.

"Alright, now that we've got everything cleared up, you're free to go." He laughed and nudged Riku out of the way. I gave him a small, slightly relieved smile, and hurried out of the room before either of them could remember something else to tell me.

After my adventure in the hallway, I was able to make it to breakfast just in time to snag one of the last muffins and a carton of milk. I sighed, not too happy about my meager breakfast, but I took off anyways out of the cafeteria in search of my blondie. I was extra careful to watch my back in case anyone else wanted to ambush me when I was least expecting it, but for the most part I was safe. It took me a while to find Roxas, and after exhausting my options when his room, the game room, and even Zexion's office were empty, I decided that even though I wanted to find him I didn't want to spend one of my days off aimlessly wandering the hallways. Disgruntled, I figured Roxas's was off with his friends, like any normal sixteen year old would be, and made my way out one of the side exits for some fresh air.

Immediately upon my exit out of the heated building I felt myself involuntarily shiver as a cold rush of air assaulted me. I pulled the coat I had grabbed from my room around me tighter and shoved my hands down into my pockets. As I walked away from the door and towards the park across the street, my fingers brushed against cold metal and flimsy cardboard. My forehead knit together in momentary confusion before I remembered Demyx had borrowed my coat the other day and must have left his lighter and a half empty carton of cigs in the pocket.

I pulled out the carton and the lighter after I crossed the street and tested out the lighter as I walked towards a deserted swing set. It was late fall, and brutally cold, which was why I figured I had the place to myself. The lighter was a bright obnoxious blue, which fit Demyx in my opinion, and the flame flickered to life and fluttered in the cold wind until I recapped it.

With a heavy sigh I plopped down onto the cold plastic swing and shivered when my free hand met the cold metal chains supporting the battered swing. I studied the cigarette carton and lighter that were now sitting on my lap, contemplating whether or not to light up. It had been a while since my last smoke, since Elena and the other staff informed they frown upon smoking in front of the kids, and my job had left me with little down time lately. With a shrug I picked up the lighter and shook a cigarette out of the carton. Just as I slipped the cigarette between my lips and raised the lighter up to light it, I heard the chains on the swing next to me jingle softly and I looked over to find I was no longer alone in the park.

"Smoking isn't good for you." He told me quietly as pushed his feet against the ground so his swing swung slightly back and forth. I raised an eyebrow as blue eyes looked over at me with complete seriousness.

I clicked the lighter shut, but balanced the cigarette between my teeth as I studied Roxas's expression. "So I've been told."

"So stop." His voice was cold, and this time I didn't shiver because of the wind that blew my hair around my face and went through my jacket.

"Ok." I pulled the cigarette out of my mouth, put it and the others back in the carton. I handed him the cigarettes and watched as he walked across the park, threw them in a garbage can with a thud I could hear from the swing set, and walk back to me. "I get the feeling there's something more than my health that's upsetting you." I told him as I pushed my feet against the ground to move my swing.

"My dad…" He whispered so low I barely heard him, but when I realized what he had said I dug my feet into the hard dirt and stopped myself so I swayed gently beside his swing. When he didn't say anything for a few minutes, I was afraid I had accidentally pried too deep into obviously unpleasant memories.

"Hey, if you don't want to talk about it, it's ok." Roxas shook his head.

"No, it's ok…I just haven't told anyone about it before. Besides Sora." My eyes widened as I waited for Roxas to continue. He let out a shaky breath and glanced over at me before returning his gaze to the ground.

"When I was four and Sora was five, our dad died. He smoked, almost two packs a day, and was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was two. When he died, my mom was so depressed she lost her job and we had to move. I spent the next four years of my childhood in a dirt-cheap, disgusting, run-down apartment in the city, the really bad part of the city. We couldn't afford nice clothes and books so I didn't go to school, and neither did Sora. There weren't any kids my age in our neighborhood, and anyone even remotely close to my age was messed up with drugs or gangs.

"Sora wasn't much older than me, but he was always there. We were suburban kids thrown into the middle of the roughest area around, and it wouldn't have been quite as bad, if my mom had actually been there for us. She did a bunch of…messed up stuff to get money, and ended up with this asshole of a boyfriend who practically turned our apartment into a crack house. If he wasn't high half the time, he was drunk, and he wasn't a very nice drunk." He fell silent after this, and when he finally summed up the courage to continue his voice was shaky and barely above a whisper. "He hit my mom a lot, Sora too. When Sora wasn't around to protect me, I got hit too." I gripped the chains on my swing so tight it burned and my knuckles were quickly turning white. How could someone, _anyone_, hurt a kid like Roxas? _Especially_ when he was so little? I felt my blood boiling, but I told myself to calm down enough to hear the rest of the story.

"O-one day, my mom wasn't home, and Sora was at the store. My mom's boyfriend home and got really, really mad for no real reason. I was the only one home and…and…" My hands unconsciously reached out and wrapped around Roxas's shoulders and pulled his swing closer to mine as the tears started flowing out of his eyes.

"Shh, it's ok. You don't have to say anything else, it's ok." I couldn't hear his sobs, but they made his whole body converse with every painful breath he took in and let out. We sat in silence for a moment before Roxas spoke up.

"No, no I…I have to. I have to finally tell someone else." He pulled away slightly and his swing swung back into place, but as he pulled away he slipped his hand into mine and held on tightly. It wasn't a romantic hand holding even though I did get faint butterflies in my stomach, it was more of a gesture to show he trusted me. I lightly squeezed back.

"He came into my room and started hitting me, and he broke my arm and gave me a black eye. Then…he…well, he raped me." The last sentence was said devoid of any emotion, but the tears pooling in his eyes showed that wasn't completely accurate. "That's why I have nightmares." He took another deep breath in and slowly let it out. "After, Sora found me in our room, and when he tried to tell our mom about it, she wouldn't listen. Sora told the police about it, and then a week later we ended up here. I was eight when I started living here, and weirdly enough, sometimes I can't remember what my old room looked like. All I remember is the one here."

* * *

We sat in the park for a few hours, and eventually I bought Roxas and me dinner from some small restaurant down the street. After the initial confession from Roxas, we tried to avoid the topic. I mean, we talked about it for about an hour, but after a while I could tell it was really bothering Roxas, and I didn't want his confession to me to turn into something he regretted.

Now, I was walking down the hallway towards Roxas's room in an old t-shirt and sweatpants, my pajamas, and for once I didn't have to run. During dinner I had let it slip to Roxas I didn't have any place to stay because of my room, and he immediately told me to stay with him. I offered to sleep in the chair or on the floor, but he told me not to be a dumbass.

"Roxas?" I called out as I opened his door. He was lying on his back staring up at the ceiling when I walked in and his eyes fluttered open sleepily when I walked in. I had to help Elena do room checks so I was later than I had told Roxas I would be, but the kid didn't care.

"Who else would be in here?" He laughed as he scooted over so there was enough room for me in his bed.

"…Shut up." I replied childishly and Roxas only laughed louder.

"God, you sound just like Sora. Have you been hanging around him too much?" At the comment about Sora I let out a loud laugh of my own as awkward and slightly ridiculous memories flashed through my mind prompting a curious expression from my blonde.

"I'll tell you about it later, but now it's sleep time." Roxas gave me a curious look but relented and turned the lights off before burying himself under the covers as I followed his move. We laid in silence for a few moments, and as I was about to open my mouth to say a proper goodnight, Roxas cut me off.

"Thanks, for listening to me today. I've…I've never opened up to anyone like that except Sora, and well, it's really easy for me to trust you." The moonlight through his window lit up his smile, and I couldn't help smiling back.

"Any time, Roxas."

"…You can call me kid, sometimes, if you want." He nervously replied after a few moments. I quirked and eyebrow at him in the dark, and my heart raced happily.

"Why, kid, do you think it's cute that you have a nickname from me?" I teased gently. Even in the little light I could see Roxas's cheeks turn bright red and he buried his face halfway into the pillow.

But he didn't argue with me.

Hesitantly at first, but summoning courage I didn't know I had I leaned over and gently pressed my lips to his forehead like I had done last night. The difference was, this time he was awake, and I felt him tense up and draw in a shaky breath. I pulled away and whispered goodnight, and he replied so quietly I could barely hear.

Right before I felt myself dose off, I looked over out of the corner of my eye to see Roxas's eyes closed, but a smile spread out across his face.

This was the first night since I had met the kid that he didn't wake up screaming. For once, it was a nightmare free night.

I took this as a good sign.

A/N: A new chapter! Finally…sorry if the gaps between chapters are kind of long, school is starting to take it's toll on me.

But on a positive note, thank you all SO much for the wonderful reviews! You all have given me such support with your kind and helpful reviews and if it wasn't for your reviews I would never find the motivation to keep writing =]

Thanks again, and please review~!


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up in the morning with a headache that threatened to split my head in two. Yesterday my room had been finished being painted and Elena wasn't exactally comfortable with me staying in Roxas's room. Of course, Elena was one of those people who wouldn't outright confront me about it, but I could tell when she saw me make my way to Roxas's room the night before that she was a little wary. So to avoid trouble I slept in my own bed. That, unfortunately, had been a bad idea. One because my bed was lonely, but two because the paint fumes trapped inside my room were messing with my brain.

With a groan I fumbled out of bed and, still in the sweatpants and wife beater I slept in, made my way to the first-aide room to find some medicine. It was six thirty in the morning, but I had heard some rumors that the doctor in there was almost always nearby. Sure I had also heard he was pretty weird and most people avoided going in there unless they were on fire or had just cut off a limb, but at this point my head was pounding so hard I decided to risk it.

It took me longer than I had anticipated getting there since it was in an area of the building I never really went to, but when I finally found it there was light streaming out from underneath the door. Tentatively, or, well as tentatively as my throbbing head allowed, I walked up to the door and gently knocked.

"Come in," a man's voice called from behind the door, and I grabbed the doorknob in my hand and pushed the door open.

The room was fairly small, with white walls and a large cabinet off to the side, which I assumed held all the medical supplies. Facing the doorway on the other side of the room was a large metal desk upon which a lamp was illuminating the face of the doctor. I was a bit shocked at first when I saw his poison green eyes peering up at me behind a few loose strands of…blond hair? It was hard to tell in the dim light. But that wasn't really important. I felt the awkwardness fill up the silence around us as his eyes continued to stare at me as if that was a completely normal thing to do, so I attempted to clear my throat. "Um, hi, I was wondering if I could get some Advil or something, cause I have this killer headache." The man continued to stare at me for a few more moments, and I awkwardly scratched the back of my head as I waited for him to do something.

Finally, painfully slow though, the man pushed himself up out of his chair and made him way around the desk towards the cabinet. As he passed by my, he gave me a look. I wasn't sure what he was trying to accomplish other that scaring the crap out of me since when he looked at me one eye seemed to be larger than the other.

All I could think of as he opened up the cabinet and started to rummage around for my drugs, was why the hell any sane person were hire him to work around children. _Especially_ children who were already emotionally scarred enough.

"Here. Take two, if the headache doesn't go away or at least lessen in an hour come back to see me." His voice sounded just as creepy as he was acting, and I hastily took the pills from him.

"Well, thanks doctor…" I glanced at the placard on his desk. "Dr. Vexen." He nodded stiffly before returning to his desk. Without waiting to see if he would stare at me on my way out I tossed back the pills as best I could and hustled out of the room, closing the door quickly behind me.

"Even if my head falls off in an hour," I mumbled to myself on the way back to my room, "There's no way in hell I'm going back in there…"

A couple hours later I was back to my usual charming self, and I managed to get down to the kitchen on time for once. Opting for whatever job didn't involve a hairnet I was stuck on clean up duty once all the kids had gotten their breakfasts and made there way out of the dining area. However, as the other workers finished up things in the kitchen and I was busy sweeping up empty milk cartons and stray napkins I heard someone call out my name. Expecting it to be Roxas who had found his way back here looking for me, I looked up. Instead it was Elena calling me from across the dining room and motioning for me to come talk to her.

"Hey El, what's up?" I told her with a cheerful smile that started to fade when she gave me a complicated look.

"There's someone here who wants to talk to you." She shrugged and turned around and I followed after her.

"Really? What's their name?" I asked puzzled and slightly apprehensive. I didn't really have that many friends because once my mom kicked me out I had had some trouble trusting people, and the only other people I talked with on a daily basis were all here.

"It's…shoot I can't remember. It's an unusual name, and the guy said it pretty quickly. All I know is he's got yellowish-gold eyes, blue hair, and two scars in the shape of an 'x' between his eyes." I felt my legs momentarily falter, but I caught myself before I tripped.

"Saix." I replied, but the name was more me just saying it aloud than talking to Elena.

"Yeah, that's it! I guess you do know each other." Elena turned and gave me a smile, but it faded when she saw my expression. It wasn't that I was upset to see Saix here of all places, more surprised and confused. Especially that he wanted to see me. We had lived in the same apartment building a few doors down from each other, and on the weekends we normally hung out with the other kids on our block. I wouldn't consider us best friends, just that we were together a lot. He was a reasonably nice guy, and when I was younger if I ever wanted to do something too extreme he pulled me back to reality, but we weren't all that close. I had never told him about my feeling about my mom and that I was pretty sure she hated me. So sure, we had been friends back before my mom kicked me out, but I had pretty much forgotten about him. In reality, I had forgotten or at least tried to forget most of the people in my past.

We got to the main office of the agency and Elena hesitantly opened the door and pointed down a hallway to the left. "I left him waiting in the conference room, third door on your left." I thanked her and made my way down the hallway. I was a little nervous, more confused than anything, so when I opened the conference room door I wasn't expecting too much of a shock.

But I was wrong.

There, standing by the window looking out at the street was the same Saix I remembered, just older. His stoic expression and nice clothes matched his serious personality, so it wasn't a shock to see him. The person I was shocked to see, however, was the girl sitting down at the conference table. She was eighteen, and even though she looked older and her hair was longer, she still looked like the same girl who I had grown up with. My little sister, the only person who I actually felt loved by in my family, after all these years, was sitting mere feet away from me.

It took all the will power I didn't even know I had not to breakdown into a mess on the floor right there in front of them. For so long I had tried to forget my past and to make a better future for myself without being constantly haunted by those buried memories, but I knew I would never be rid of my past.

"Axel." My sister stood up when she saw me, and Saix turned to face me.

For a moment, stunned into silence, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. But then, I tried my best to compose myself and to put on a façade of composure. "Saix, Kairi, how…what are you guys doing here?" Kairi stared at me in silence, and I could tell she was trying to form the words to explain, but the tears in her eyes started to make her choke up. Sensing this, Saix in all his composure stepped towards us.

"It's been a very long time since you were home."

"Damn right." I shot back before he said anything else. "It's not really my fault though, since my own mom kicked me out." I growled back. I wasn't sure why I suddenly became so mad, but the mere mention of home and not being there just made my blood boil.

The moment I said the word mom though, Kairi brought her hand up and clasped it over her mouth and sat back down as silent tears ran down her face. My anger vanished, and I realized that there was an elephant in the room that only I didn't know about. "Kairi, what's wrong?" I asked tentatively, but my sister could only shake her head, unable to form the words to tell me. So again, Saix stepped in.

"It's your mother. She…." Saix paused, and looked at Kairi. But, when she didn't tell him to stop, he looked back at me. "Axel, your mom, she died."

The words hit me, hard. I never expected when I got news like this that I would be that affected, since we never had a bond anyways. But now, actually hearing that my mom was dead and that I had never had the chance to figure things out between us or to say goodbye, I was broken. My heart thudded in my head and I found it hard to breath.

"I-I'm so sorry Axel. I'm so sorry that mom treated you the way she did." Kairi managed to say between quiet sobs. "But I'm even more sorry she never apologized to you. I always thought she would, because I always knew deep down she loved you." The last few parts came out quietly, in almost a whisper.

I watched my sister cry in silence for what felt like forever until I trusted my voice enough to speak without breaking down. "I wish I could believe that." I replied, and turned to go.

"Wait, Axel! Don't go…" Kairi called out to me, and I faced her again. "I, I was just thinking that, you might want to come home now. I mean, with mom gone," she paused and held back more tears, "you can finally come home."

I stared back at her with wide, somewhat angry eyes. "Come home? Ha!" I let out a loud, bitter laugh filled with years of pent up frustration. "You're kidding me. You are freaking kidding me. You think that, that _place_ is home to me? You think that a place where I was hated and emotionally abandoned could ever be called my home? Kairi, wake up. I haven't been home in almost five years. I knew during all those years that something could have happened to mom, but I couldn't go back even to see. No one wanted me there."

"That's not true! I did." Kairi shouted, another tear slipping down her cheek. "I know I didn't do anything to stop mom the night she kicked you out, but I was eleven. I didn't know what to do…but I've missed you. Not a day has gone by that I don't think about you and how much I missed you. And mom…after she kicked you out, she was different. She felt bad, and I could see that even if she wouldn't admit it. Mom loved you Axel, and when she died she had been sick for a while, but she hung on longer than the doctors had thought because she wanted you to come home to see her. She wanted to talk to you just one last time before she died!" I almost slapped her, but I held myself back. The anger boiled up inside me the more lies she spewed out at me. My mother did not love me, and I knew that. My mom had known that, and my sister too. Why she was blatantly lying to me know I had no idea. "She even wrote you this letter, and told me to find you and give it to you. See, if she didn't care she wouldn't have written to you. She did love you." Kairi fumbled in her coat pocket and held out a sealed envelope to me.

I hesitated to grab the letter from her. "You're sure she wrote this for me?" I asked, uncertainly.

"Yes, I swear to you she told me to find you and give you this letter. I'll admit, I sometimes thought that mom didn't love you like you thought, but when she gave me this letter…I didn't read it, but I knew that it was her way of showing you everything she really felt about you. I bet this letter will tell you everything she wanted to tell you but never got the chance to!" Kairi was smiling, so hopeful I was even more intimidated to open the letter. "Then maybe, you and me can at least be a family again. I really have missed you, Axel."

With a small smile I took the letter from her hand. "I missed you too, Kairi." For her sake, I hope this letter was what we were both hoping it would be: an apology, a confession, an acknowledgement of wrong doings, and a way to ask for forgiveness. I tore off the top of the envelope and with nervous hands unfolded and scanned over the letter. But, it wasn't in any way shape of form what I had expected.

"What the hell is this?" I asked, turning the paper around for Saix and Kairi to see. Their eyes saw and read, like mine had, the numbers and dollar signs printed out down the page in red ink. "These are debts! All of them, and it says my mother left them for me to pay off!" I crumpled the paper as my hands closed into a fist, and in a moment of pure anger I slammed my fist down on the table. "Goddamn it!" I squeezed my eyes tight, trying to keep the tears contained. "She's dead, and yet she's still fucking with me."

"Axel…Axel I'm sorry I didn't know-"

"I'm sorry too." I turned, without looking back at the two of them, and left the conference room, slamming the door behind me. I heard faintly Kairi calling out my name, but I didn't falter in my walking. I knew where I had to go now, and I wasn't stopping for anything. I passed Demyx and Zexion in the hallway, and I saw Demyx attempt to start a conversation but Zexion placed a hand on his arm warning him against it. I knew I probably looked like an angry, bitter, sad emotional wreck at the moment, but I didn't care. I just had to find Roxas.

I knew Roxas was the only person I could talk to because he had opened up to me and I had consoled him, and I knew he would do the same for me. Never in my life had I had someone to open up to and to fully expose the hideous flaws my past held, but now I did. And strangely, I was actually happy I had someone to talk about this to, even if the news itself made me want to scream in frustration.

Roxas, like I had figured, was in his room reading when I invited myself in. He looked up surprised, and his eyes grew wider when he saw my face; eyes red from the tears I couldn't keep from crying and the pained expression I knew was emanating from my features. "Axel!" He sat up quickly and tossed his book on the floor as he all but jumped off his bed and hurried over to me. "Axel, what's wrong?"

For a moment, looking into blue eyes made everything seem better, as if my life didn't really suck all that much. But then, the more I thought about what had happened the more I was drawn back to reality. And reality hit me hard. My legs all but gave out, and as I shut the door behind me I let myself lean against the bedroom door and slide down until I was sitting on the floor, my long lanky legs spread out on either side of where Roxas was standing. In concern and fear, Roxas dropped down onto his knees and stared at me with wide eyes.

"I just found out my mom died." I said, my voice betraying my emotions as is quavered.

"I'm so sorry…" Roxas replied, genuine sorrow and compassion alighting every beautiful feature.

"The thing is though, I don't care about that." His eyebrows knitted together in confusion and surprise. "My mother never loved me, and I'm not just saying that to be dramatic. She never did, that's why she kicked me out when I was fourteen. I lived on the streets, in foster homes, on my own; all because she didn't love me or care about me. She hated me. And even know that she's dead, she just keeps on hating me. All the debts she had when she was alive she passed on to me to pay off. It's not that there are a lot or that it's an insane amount of money, but it's just the fact that she did that to me. Never once, even after all she did to me and put me through, did I ever hate her, but she just kept on hating me."

Then I suddenly realized I was crying. It was hard to make out Roxas's face clearly through the tears, and I felt a sob lodge itself in my throat making it hard to speak, or to breath. And just as I felt another wave of tears coming, to my embarrassment of course because I couldn't believe I was crying in front of Roxas, I felt warm small arms wrap around me and a weight on my chest. I looked down to see Roxas clutching me in a desperate hug.

I realized then, that although I had came to see Roxas because I had wanted him to talk to me and tell me everything was going to be ok, I knew he couldn't tell me that without lying. He knew just as well as me that the world was a shitty place, and sometimes there are no words to use to comfort someone. And as I wrapped my arms around him and laid my cheek on top of his head, I realized he didn't need to say anything. Just being here with him, knowing that we had each other's backs and cared about each other to a point that other people couldn't relate to, that was enough for me.

"Thank you, Roxas."

He hugged me tighter. Again, there were no words, but I knew exactally what he was saying.

And I felt the same way.

That night I decided to stay with Roxas. We talked about my past for a while, and about my mom. I needed that, and even though I didn't want to remember her, Roxas told me that in my own way I was still upset that she was dead and in a way this emotional breakdown was also part of my heart grieving for her. For a fifteen year old, he was oddly insightful.

The next morning though, because of a combination of little sleep and from my emotional breakdown the day before, I woke up for the second day in a row with a splitting headache.

"Augh." I groaned and rolled over to face a now awake Roxas.

"What the hell is your problem, it's six in the morning." Roxas grumbled groggily, and I couldn't help but crack a small smile.

"I have a headache, and I want to get medicine but I can't." The flashback to yesterday's encounter with Vexen made me shiver involuntarily, and I told Roxas of my run in with the doc.

"Oh you big baby, do you need me to go with you to scare off the big bad doctor?' Roxas mocked in a little kid voice, and I lightly hit his arm.

"Shut up. And you know what, yeah, you can come. Then you'll be able to see exactally what I'm talking about."

That was how we ended up ten minutes later in front of the same creepy door as yesterday. "Brace yourself," I whispered, before knocking.

"Come in," Vexen's voice called from inside, and I opened the door. Vexen looked up from his desk at us and stared at the two of us.

"Hey again, Vexen. My headache came back, and I was wondering if I could get some more Advil." Vexen stared at me for a moment, then creepily turned his gaze on Roxas. With an evil smirk he stood up and made his way to the medicine cabinet. When his back was turned away from us I shot Roxas a look that said 'told you so.' He rolled his eyes and shook his head, mouthing 'he's not that bad.' I shrugged. I figured Vexen would probably do something creepy before we left and I, like normal, would be right.

Vexen turned around with the bottle of Advil in his hand, and as he unscrewed the cap, he gave me a creepy smile, which made me feel like he was going to jump one of us. His eyes shifted to Roxas who tensed up. "Sure you don't need any Advil either?" He asked Roxas, who gave him a puzzled expression.

"No…why would I?"

"I've been told your back can hurt horribly the morning after, and with someone of his size," Vexen jabbed a creepy finger my way, "I assumed you would be in quite a bit of pain." For a moment I stood trying to figure out what he was saying. When no one said anything for a moment, Vexen chuckled and placed the Advil in my hand and stared at me. "I guess I'm wrong, but I figured you'd be on top."

With that I felt my face flush and I pushed Roxas out of the doctor's office. "Thanks." I quickly muttered out before shutting the door harshly behind me. Once outside, I took a deep breath before tossing back the pills.

"What was he-?"

"Don't." Roxas looked up at me confused. "Forget we ever came here. We're never coming here again anyways, but just forget we ever came here in the first place.

"What but what was he talking about?" Roxas continued to demand as I started walking back to his room.

"…."

"Axel, come on! What did he mean by my back would hurt, and that he figured you'd be…on…top." Roxas paused in speaking and walking, and I turned around to see his face quickly turning red. "What a sicko." He mumbled and caught up to me, though careful not to make eye contact with me.

I laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"Told you should've forgot about it."

Wow, it's been way too long since I updated this story, and for that I am sincerely sorry. With life and school I've been really busy, but now that I'm accepted into college and senior year is winding down I have more free time, so more time to write. I read through all the reviews for this story randomly today and I was so happy and motivated I wrote this chapter in a few hours. Thank you to all you guys who reviews or favorited or alerted this story, or even just read it! You all are amazing, really. Thank you!

Like always, please review, because I really want to know what you guys think of this chapter! Oh, and I put Vexen in here as mostly a comic relief since most of this chapter is pretty serious, so if you think he's pretty random, it's because he is!


	6. Chapter 6

At first, I hadn't thought that my mom's death would have really affected me all that much. I mean, of course I was beyond shocked, and even though she hated me she was still my mom, but I had always assumed that I would just feel numb if I ever got news like that. And truthfully, for a little while after the initial shock wore off I was numb. My breakdown in Roxas's room, I realized later on when I was musing about it to myself, was more from the fact that I never got and never would get the apology I had always secretly been waiting for. It wasn't so much that my mom had died and I was sad, but more the fact that I would always live with the knowledge my mom didn't love me

while she was already free from the burden of kicking her only son out when he was fourteen.

It wasn't until about a week later, after Kairi and Saix had randomly shown up and dumped this shit load of emotional baggage on me, that I got a letter in the mail.

"Mail call!" Demyx shouted out in a singsong voice with that dorky smile plastered on his face. The staff had been having a weekly meeting about the day-to-day workings of the agency, and of course five minutes before it was over was when Demyx would chose to show up.

"Dem, can't you just leave the mail in the mailboxes, that's what they're there for." Zexion sighed and leaned his head on his hand.

"Oh, but where's the fun in that?" As he walked by, Demyx ruffled Zexion's hair, earning a chuckle from the staff and a death glare from his boyfriend. I watched with an amused smile as Demyx threw letters across the room in an attempt to get them to their owners, but most flew off in all directions and confusion took over.

"Hey, ginger!" One of these days, I was going to kill Larxene, but today I just turned to see what she wanted.

Of course that had been a bad idea when I nearly ended up with a letter in my eye, but I dodged it just in time. "What the fuck Larxene?" I yelled back at her, which made Elena yell at me from across the room to watch my language.

When her maniacal laugh subsided she gave me look. "The letter's for you, dumbass, that's why I handed it to you."

"We must have very different definitions of what handing something to someone means…" I mumbled to myself as I looked down at the letter in my hand. There was no return address at the top, and my name and the agency's addresses were written in girly, loopy writing in the middle. I felt my brow crease in mild confusion as I tore off the top of the envelope and pulled out a folded piece of paper. There wasn't much on it, but there didn't have to be to get the point across. After scanning it over I folded the letter back up, and in the midst of the confusion from Demyx's mail escapade I slipped out of the room.

It was Sunday afternoon, so as I walked down the halls kids were running in and out of rooms laughing and enjoying their day off. I slipped my hands inside my jeans and fixed my eyes on the floor tiles in front of me as I made my way towards my room. The letter had been from my sister, weirdly enough, and it had given the name of the cemetery my mom was buried at and the plot number. As much as I didn't want to go, and as much as I knew it was going to be a weird experience, I still knew I had to go. I sighed, and pushed open my bedroom door and made my way over to my desk to grab my long forgotten car keys and my wallet.

"Hey."

Never, in almost my entire life, had I ever jumped so high _and _let out such an impressive string of curse words as I did when Roxas scared the living shit right out of me. There was nothing I hated more than being surprised. Nothing.

"Holy goddamn fucking shit tits where the hell did you come from?" I asked, my heart racing as my eyes found Roxas sitting on my bed, his blue eyes wide with fear.

"I-I'm sorry, I was waiting for you to come in, I didn't mean to scare you!" He put up hands apologetically. With a shaky smile I turned and picked up my keys and laughed at what a wimp I was.

"Don't worry about it, I should have noticed when I walked in, but I'm kind of out of it." Roxas, sensing I had gotten over it, let out a small laugh of his own, and the smile he gave me made the confusing mix of emotions I had felt from the letter almost disappear. "What are you doing here anyways?"

At my question, Roxas's cheeks turned a shade darker (or was it my hopeful imagination?) and looked down at the keys in my hand and then at a spot behind me on the wall. "Well, I was just wondering, you know, if you weren't busy of anything, if you wanted to maybe…hang out." He slightly mumbled the last part, and I couldn't help but break out into a broad grin. "But, you're going somewhere, I saw your keys, so don't worry about it." He stood up, making eye contact, and gave me a smile, but the smile didn't radiate up to his eyes, which was when I could always tell he was upset. As he started to walk by, I put my hand on his shoulder, and I knew that it wasn't my imagination that made his face seem pinker.

"Whoa, hold up. I was actually hoping to have someone to hang out with, or it would've been a pretty boring day. Demyx and Zexion are probably getting it on in some obscure janitor closet, and Elena's always busy, so it looks like I'm stuck with you today!" He tried to glare at me, but the smile made it useless. I slung my arm around his shoulders and steered him towards the door, tucking my letter inside my pocket for later.

"You're so weird sometimes." He said with a laugh as he tried to shrug my arm off of himself.

"But you love it."

There was nothing afterwards, no confirmation of it, and no denying it either.

* * *

"What is that, that _thing_?" Roxas asked as we got to the staff parking lot where many weeks ago I had parked my pathetic excuse for a car and forgotten about it.

"You mean Sheila?" I asked, pretending to be extremely proud of my dark green '02 two-door stick shift Saturn. There was duck tape on the license plate and the cover for the gas tank, which wouldn't shut without some good old TLC from a strip of dark green duct tape I had found at Wal-Mart. To be honest, it was hard to be proud of Sheila, even though she was a pretty decent car aside from appearance.

Roxas, however, was sharper than he looked and caught on to my sarcastic pride. "Really, Sheila was the best name you could come up with?" I shrugged and unlocked the doors before climbing in and shoving my seat as far back as it would go. Having a fairly small car and being like eight feet tall didn't really mesh well.

"I was under pressure, don't judge me." He rolled his eyes as I started the engine. My car, well, now deemed Sheila, roared to life, and I let out the clutch, managed in the nick of time so as not to stall, and pulled out of the parking lot.

"So where exactally are we going today?" I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding, as I decided what the best plan of action for the rest of the day was. In all honesty, I didn't want to go visit my mom's grave first thing, cause I knew that would just make the rest of the day tense and weird. So, with help from a load grumble from Roxas's stomach, I opted for food first.

"There's this pizza place across town where a buddy of mine works, we'll go there first." Not only did my friend work there, but it was pretty close to where the cemetery was so we wouldn't be driving all over the place. Yeah, I had my intelligent moments every once in a while.

"Sounds good." Roxas replied with a smile, flipping through my pre-set radio stations for a decent song. It was about a half hour ride, and we flipped between small, light conversations and comfortable silences filled by the radio.

I had to admit; driving with Roxas wasn't like when I had other people in the car. I more focused on the road, one because I didn't want anything to happen to him, and two because I knew I would crash if I looked over too much because it was hard to look away from that smile or those blue eyes. But the thing that was really different about driving with Roxas was that I knew I didn't have to keep idle chitchat going. The pauses in our conversations felt natural and weren't awkward, the when a new conversation came up it wasn't strained or weird like those 'how about this weather?' conversation starters.

I mean, I guess that's just what happens when you're close with someone, but I didn't have a lot of close people in my life, and I never really did, so it all seemed a bit new to me. But, I liked it.

It turns out I'm not the greatest friend ever, because I forgot my friend, Reno, got fired from the pizzeria two months ago for attempting to get in the pants of a co-worker. Better yet, the worker I asked to see if Reno was around was the girl he allegedly sexually-harassed. Let's just say we got our pizza to go.

On the way to the cemetery, with Roxas still oblivious to our destination, we scarffed down our pizza like hungry wolfs who hadn't seen food in days. Truthfully, I hadn't eaten since breakfast and neither had Roxas, so in some ways we pretty much were acting like wild animals. At a stoplight, I shoved the rest of my pizza into my mouth and glanced over at Roxas. Since he didn't have to drive, he was already done with his, and when he sensed me looking at him he turned to face me.

"I just realized, where the hell are we going?" I laughed, and the car lurched forward as the light turned greened and I accelerated. "I know that's what you're supposed to ask before you get in the car with some strange guy," he smirked at me, "but I guess the car distracted me."

"I bet. It was probably my ruggedly handsome good looks." I glanced over and saw him roll his eyes, but there was no outright disagreement. Internally, I smiled.

"But in all honesty, where are we going?" I knew I had stalled long enough, and with the cemetery coming into view ahead of us, I sighed.

"To see my mom." I flipped on my turn signal and slowly pulled into the cemetery parking lot.

There was an awkward and heavy silence when I turned off the ignition. Roxas was staring ahead at the wide field spotted with tombstones. "Oh…" I barely heard his whisper, and at first I thought I had gone too far, and that maybe our relationship wasn't really as deep as I had thought it was. Plus I was worried he was upset I didn't tell him right away where we were going, but then the click of an unlatching seatbelt brought me back. Roxas was out of the car before me, his hands deep in his pocket, and his eyes studying me as I also climbed out of my seat. It wasn't until than that I realized Roxas could tell when I was upset even before I could. Maybe, too, it was the fact that he assumed this would be difficult for me, but I thought I had been acting fairly normal so his change in mood somewhat surprised me. I started to walk towards the area where my mom's grave was when Roxas asked me a question

"Are you sure you can handle this?" The question caught me off guard, and I almost stumbled over my feet, but a small but steady hand on my elbow caught me. I looked down into blue eyes that seemed to see straight into my soul, and I had to look away. If I didn't I knew I would chicken out and I'd never come back here. I knew, just once, I needed to see the truth that my mom really was dead, because it really hadn't completely sunk in yet.

We stood, Roxas's arm still on my arm, for a few moments in silence. There were no sounds besides our breathing, and not even a wind disturbed us. It was almost as if the entire world had stood still for a moment to hear the truth.

"No." I took a step forward anyways, but not before taking my hand and interlacing it with Roxas's. I kept walking, and after a couple clumsy half-dragged steps Roxas kept up with my long strides. "But I have to. Just once. If I don't do this now, I know I'll never get back here. I'm not coming here to cry for my mom and curse God because I never remembered my mom telling me she loved me. I just need to see that she is dead, that she is six feet under, and I need to just move on."

Roxas squeezed my hand, and I felt calmer. My pace slowed slightly, one from Roxas and two because my mom's grave was up ahead.

When I saw her name in fancy, ornate writing on the granite tombstone, my heart caught in my throat. I stopped, but Roxas's hand in mind urged me to take the last few steps. There wasn't much on it, beside her name and the dates of her birth and death. Then, as I looked closer, I saw in smaller writing at the bottom, 'Loving sister, wife, and mother.' At the last word, I felt somewhat physically sick.

"What is that bullshit…" I muttered under my breath, but Roxas heard and looked up. "Loving mother? To Kairi, maybe, barely, but of course no one remembered what she did to me. No one remembers me unless they need something. Mom remembers me so she can leave me her debts, and Kairi remembers me cause she wants a place to stay where she isn't by herself. Well fuck them, fuck 'em all." I never thought I would be so bitter, but seeing that, and realizing everything that happened to me, I was just mad.

"Let's go, Axel." Roxas said quietly. "You saw it, and now you never have to come back again." I looked at him and his eyes begged me to just leave, but I couldn't yet. Instead, I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket, and even though my hands were still shaking with anger, I pulled out a small plastic covered photograph. As much as I wanted to, I could never let go of my mom. It didn't make any sense and I knew it, and even though I didn't love my mom anymore, and I question if I ever did, she was still part of me. I took a step closer to the grave and bent down, placing the photograph of myself when I was fourteen in front of the words 'loving mother.' In the photo my hair hadn't been as long, and the teardrop tattoos weren't there, but I knew someone would be able to tell it was me. Maybe it was childish, maybe it was immature, but maybe it was also my way of getting back at her. For once, even for just this moment with Roxas, no one could get rid of my picture or me. I was going to keep on living my life, while my picture sat symbolizing the hypocrisy immortalized on the stone above, while my mom lay six feet under. I stood up and faced Roxas, who had a contemplative look on his face, and when I caught his gaze he gave me a small smile.

Maybe, just maybe, I finally was learning to let go. And by letting go of my mom, there was more room for the good things in my life. And the best thing in my life had just taken hold of my hand again and was walkking me back to my car.

* * *

Is…is this really…another update? And this time there wasn't a three-month gap in between the previous update and this one? Who thought it could happen!

To all my reviewers, especially my repeat reviewers, it really means so much to me. I don't have a lot of time to go through and reply to every review, but I don't want anyone to think I don't read/cherish all of my reviews, because I do, and without you guys this sooner than expected update would never have happened!

Like always, please review!


	7. Chapter 7

I had been trying to walk down the hallway, but a pleading angelic voice wouldn't stop following me. "Can we go Axel? Please?"

"Stop that." I replied avoiding looking into those big blue eyes that I knew would crumble all my resolve in a few seconds. "You know I can't stand that puppy dog look."

Roxas side stepped me as I tried to walk away from him down the hallway and I was hit full on by the most innocent and pathetic face I'd ever seen. "Please Axel; it's my birthday after all…" I took a deep breath in and dragged a defeated hand down my face before looking him in the eyes.

"Fine." Almost instantaneously those blue eyes lit up with excitement as Roxas practically jumped into the air.

"Whoa, whoa calm down there Roxy. I have to ask Elena first too, 'cause I can't just cart you out of here whenever I feel like it." We'd learned that the hard way when we'd gotten back from our little outing a few weeks ago and Elena had almost fired my sorry ass for taking Roxas out of the agency without telling her. Needless to say I was kind of in hot water with her, but I figured if I took Roxas with me she wouldn't be able to say no to a face like his.

See, it was spring now. And, a little ways out of the city in the suburbs there was a carnival that always took place, with unsafe rides and cotton candy and hot dogs; the whole nine yards. Roxas's birthday, which was the next day, was the same day as the last day of the carnival, and he wanted to go every year but never bothered to ask anyone. Well, until I came along and he knew I would do anything to make him happy even if I never outwardly admitted that to him.

When we got to Elena's room I knocked gently and after she called out for us to come in I did my best to be as polite and charming as I could. "Hey Elena!"

She turned with a suspicious look, which intensified as her eyes shifted from me to Roxas and then back to me. "Axel, Roxas, what's up."

I tried to give her a friendly smile before I started the speech I had been going over in my head when Roxas blurted out, "Can Axel take me to the carnival in Burming?"

Elena, caught momentarily off guard, blinked blankly. "What? Oh, the spring carnival. Well, I don't know… It'd be kind of unfair to the other kids who can't go, you know? And we don't normally like to let kids wander around carnivals aimlessly with semi-irresponsible new aids…" Ouch, I thought to myself, so I guess she's still not over the last incident.

"His birthday's tomorrow, and so is the last day of the carnival." I added in, which earned me a 'you're-not-helping-me' look but I shook it off. "You only turn sixteen once, and plus I have money to pay for the stuff and a car to drive us there so there's not much you have to do. Plus, Roxas can keep a secret and we just won't get anything for him to bring back so no one will know about it." When she looked over at Roxas hesitantly, I knew we'd got her. With his puppy dog look at full force, I could see her giving in, and finally she let out a long sigh and I knew we'd one this battle.

"Fine, you guys can go. But, you have to be back before nine and you still have to go to all your lessons tomorrow Roxas. And Axel, I'd like to talk to you alone for a moment please." I felt oddly uncomfortable with the way Elena had said that, and when Roxas looked up at me uncertainly I gave him a small smile and nodded for him to go outside.

Once Roxas had shut the door Elena motioned for me to sit in the empty chair beside her bed. "What's up, Elena?"

For a few moments she didn't say anything, just looked down at the ground as if she were trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say. "Axel, the thing is… I'm getting a little…concerned with how close you and Roxas are becoming." I tensed up at this, and felt my heart start to beat a little harder in my chest.

"See, with kids like Roxas you have to realize that he's been through so much in his life, so much more than a fifteen going on sixteen year old should ever have to go through, and more than any adult should have to either. You've had stuff in your past too Axel, which is probably why you two were able to hit it off so well in the beginning because you both know what it fells like to carry heavy emotional baggage with you for years and years. But I'm worried about Roxas, because he doesn't connect well with people, or at least not easily at first, but when he does make a bond with someone, he has a hard time knowing the boundaries of that relationship he's formed. And I worry because you two have become much closer than normal mentors and mentees here, and if things keep going to way they are I'm afraid the relationship you guys have is going to become…more serious. And, I don't really know how to say this tactfully Axel, but he's going to be sixteen tomorrow, and you're twenty one. That's a five year age difference Axel, and I feel horrible saying this, but as a member of this agency I can't condone that happening." Elena could barely look me in the eyes at the end of her speech, and I couldn't look her in the eyes either.

When you let something like the relationship Roxas and I had go one for a while, you forget about the important things like age and our pasts. Seeing Roxas everyday made me forget about the horrible experiences he'd had in the past and how young he really was, even though he acted so much older. Having Elena spell it out for me was, to say the least, disturbing.

"You've still done an amazing job helping Roxas get over some of his own problems, like the nightmares, and he's gotten to be much happier and brighter since you've been here too. I'm not going to fire you or anything, and you really have done a great job here, but I just needed to spell out the parameters of what can and cannot happen between you and Roxas before things get too serious between you two. If anything, it's for my own comfort as much as it is part of my job. You're both wonderful people and you get along so well, but anything past a friendship is just unacceptable, and you know that. But, like I said, I just needed to clarify it to make sure there's no…misunderstandings." Elena took a deep breath at the end of this smaller speech, which she had all but blurted out. It made me feel a little better, but not much.

Slowly and solemnly I stood up. "You're completely right, and I understand. I won't let anything like that happen between Roxas and I, I promise." She smiled, but there was sadness in her eyes. For a moment it seemed, or maybe it was my pathetic longing for it to be true, that she didn't want to have to tell Roxas and me how to live our lives. But then again, I always had considered myself a hopeless romantic.

"Thank you, Axel." With those last words I turned and made my way to the door. It wasn't till I was in the hallway and trying to turn the doorknob to shut the door that I realized my hands were shaking. I knew why, because I felt horrible with myself. Everything that had been said was more or less true. I did find myself wanting more and more lately for Roxas's and mine's relationship to be something more than friends, but I never really remembered just how young the kid was.

It's around dinner time when I get to my room, but I don't feel hungry. I don't really feel anything, besides a little numb and just plain sadness. I, the twenty-one year old, shouldn't have been so naïve. But, I suppose, this feeling is my punishment for being a complete idiot. In my room I turn and lock the door before lying down on my bed, my eyes staring up at the ceiling.

I feel as if I might cry, from embarrassment at how dumb I acted and pretending like everything was ok, from disappointment at the fact that there couldn't be anything more between the one person I felt like I could ever really love in my life, but no tears came. If I could shed tears for my mother, why couldn't I cry Roxas, for the one person I really did care about?

The beginning of the next day went by in a blur. I desperately wanted to spend time with Roxas later and give him a birthday he could finally enjoy, but Elena's words kept haunting me. I'd been up half the night thinking about it, and by the time morning came my body was so tired it was an uphill battle just to walk to my lessons and my eye lids felt like bags of sand.

Of course, I'd forgotten about the fact that I taught Roxas until he walked into the classroom bright eyed and smiling. Seeing him made me feel a deep unwanted pang of guilt, and though I tried to act like nothing was wrong, we were too close for him not to be suspicious.

"Axel, are you ok?" We'd been about halfway done with the lesson, and I'd been pretending to read one of Roxas's essays but me eyes unconsciously kept wandering to Roxas, and the clock, and the window, and back to Roxas, and just about everywhere in the room because, like my emotions, everything felt chaotic and jumbled.

"I'm fine." I murmured back, gluing my eyes onto the papers in front of me but not comprehending a single word. I felt eyes boring into my skull, and I looked up to find Roxas giving me a look I couldn't quite read.

"Do you think I'm an idiot? Something's bothering you, you can tell me about it."

I wasn't sure if it was his eyes, wide and caring, or his voice, so confident and sure he could help me, or if it was just the fact that I loved him, but for a moment I believed I really could tell him about what Elena had said. But, it was only for a moment. I remembered that, even if Roxas wanted me to believe it, he didn't have the perfect answer for everything. He was only fifteen, or well sixteen now, and I knew that trying to talk about the other part of our relationship we had never really discussed or even acknowledged would be awkward and uncomfortable. So, I did what I knew would get us past this subject and lied. I pretended I was just grumpy because I couldn't sleep, and I put on a fake smile and switched topics to the carnival tonight. And like that, after another unreadable look, Roxas was his happy self again.

Seeing him happy, of course, made me a little happier too. Then, the rest of the day didn't seem quite as bad. And by the time came to go to the carnival, I had begun to slowly but surely push some of Elena's words to the back of my head, if only so I could have a fun night out with Roxas.

"Have you ever been to a carnival before, Roxas?" I asked as we drove through the quite suburbs, Roxas all but pressed against the window like a child to see something most children were more than fortunate enough to see year after year.

He sighed quietly, and I glanced over to see a small smile alighting his face. "No, but I think that's why I'm so excited. I don't care if it's dumb or lame, I just want to finally go." I saw out of the corner of my eye him turn and look at me, but I kept my eyes fixed on the road, my hands gripping the wheel to stop myself from caving in. "Thanks for taking me, Axel."

I smiled, because around Roxas I just couldn't help doing some things. "You're welcome, Roxy."

The carnival unfolded itself around our car as we drove into the parking lot. It was a little before sunset, and the colorful twinkling lights were just starting to turn on. The moment I opened my door a flood of children's voices, laughter, and the smell of cotton candy and hot dogs enveloped me. And Roxas, well, he practically bolted off without me.

"This is everything I thought it would be." He told me happily after our third time on the tilt-a-whirl and I felt like my stomach was going to make an appearance outside of my body. When Roxas commented that the color of my face was starting to match the color of my eyes after a fourth trip I decided maybe the tilt-a-whirl just wasn't for this old fart.

"Hey look, the Ferris wheel, that's not going to make me blow chunks." Hopefully. "Let's go on that and then head back, 'k Rox?" We were walking past a few food stalls, and as I said this Roxas's stomach growled so loud I swore I could hear it over the dull roar of carnival goers. "Well, maybe some food first."

Roxas nodded grateful, and after scarfing down a hot dog he grabbed a bag of cotton candy and gave me one of his famous looks. "Please, Ax?" God, he even pulled out the nickname, sneaky bastard. With almost no restraint I handed over the buck fifty and hustled him towards the Ferris wheel. The last thing I needed was for us to be late and for Elena to bit my head off, again.

As we waited in line, the smell of Roxas's cotton candy filled up my nose and I felt the familiar twinge of nausea the carnival rides had brought on earlier. But I couldn't find it in me to tell Roxas to put the nauseating sugary treat away. Part of me knew, that because it was Roxas, I didn't really care that much and I didn't annoy me.

God, this kid had me wrapped around his finger, and he barely even realized it.

By the time we had finally waded our way through the Ferris wheel crowd and claimed a rickety little car as our own, the sun had almost completely set over the carnival. The lights twinkled and shone like tiny colorful stars splattered against the ground when we got to the top. On the last cycle around, as Roxas gleefully stuck his head out between the bars to take in the feeling of sharing the view point high above the rest of the world like a god, our car came to a halt at the top and in the twilight we swayed back and forth.

We sat in a content silence for a few moments, before Roxas's voice pulled me out of the trance the carnival lights had cast over me.

"Axel?" His voice was quite, nervous almost, and when I looked up he was leaning his head against the bars of the car looking out over the carnival. "I don't know how to say this without just saying it, but I…I heard what Elena was talking to you about."

He glanced over, and I couldn't help but feel my eyes grow slightly wide with shock, but I tried to keep myself calm, even if on the inside I was a nervous wreck. If Roxas knew everything that Elena had said, then what was his opinion on the whole shitty situation? As he gathered his thought before continuing, I felt my palms start to sweat at the suspense of what he would say. Part of me knew he wouldn't be mad, and part of me thought that he'd probably say that she was right. But, if he did say that, it would hurt me more than anything, because then I'd know that everything I felt for him was just…nothing.

Finally, he broke the heavy silence. "I get what she was saying." Oh Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit here it comes, the one response I couldn't really handle. I braced for impact. "But she's wrong."

I blinked. "Wait, what?" I blurted out, idiotically, but it was about the only words I could logically form.

He chuckled lightly at my shocked face and turned to fully face me. "I guess it's just, she doesn't really get how much you and I have really bonded over these past few months." He smiled at me and I felt my stomach flip. Wasn't I the twenty-one year old in this situation and he was the naïve sixteen year old? But of course, nothing with Roxas was ever simple or really all that logical. "And I know you're older than me and I'm just a stupid kid, but that doesn't mean…it's just…" Now, suddenly, he was lost for words, so I took the chance to speak my mind.

"Roxas, listen. You've become such an important part of my life, and it's weird, but I feel like I've known you for so much longer than just these past few months. I care about you so much, and I'll do anything for you and you know that. But, I'm supposed to be your mentor and your teacher, and I can't put you in a situation that could confuse you or hurt you more than you've already been hurt."

"No!" His outburst made me jump and our tiny car swayed more than before. "I'm sixteen, not six, I don't know everything but I do know how to make my own decisions! I don't care what Elena says, and no one ever has to find out. I just want to be able to do something because I want to do it, without having to ask permission and have everything I do kept track of by this agency!" Tears were starting to pool up in his eyes, and at the side his fists were balled up so tight I could see his knuckles turning white. "I want you, Axel, and I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks! No one can run my life forever, I can make some choices on my own, like this-"

I had, never in these past few months, been prepared to see Roxas so angry and passionate about something before, never less about me, or to see his all but bolt across the car at me as kiss me so hard I was pushed backwards into the bars behind me. The kiss was his first, I could tell even if I hadn't known, but in the inexperience there was a desperate need and wanting that made it perfect. His lips were soft yet needing against mine, and I could still taste the cotton candy coating them. I wound my hands around him, one on his lower back pulling him closer and another in his hair, as soft and delicate as I had always known it to be an his hands were pressed against the side of my head holding me close to him.

As suddenly as it had started I felt Roxas pull away, but he pressed his forehead against mine breathing deeply, his eyes shut in quite bliss and there was a smile on his lips mimicking my own. And as the Ferris wheel started back up slowly and our car swayed back and forth in the breeze, we couldn't find the energy to move, but we were happy. And for once, that was good enough for us.

_wow, this took way too long to get out. i literally had a million different ways I was going to write this chapter, but I'm pretty satisfied with how everything worked out. thanks for being patient with me, but with summer here i should be able to write more often, and like always please review!_


	8. Chapter 8

We basked in the afterglow of our kiss on the way home as we drove through the twilight towards the agency in silence. Roxas had curled himself up so he rested him head on the window and his knees rested up on the dashboard, fighting a losing battle against sleep. With the radio on low I hummed the song playing to myself as I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel, distracting myself from looking over at Roxas too much while I drove.

"Your humming is making it hard to sleep." Roxas mumbled with his eyes closed, as though he was on the edge of the abyss of sleep about to fully tumble down, though there was a smile twitching on his lips playfully.

"Excuse me? I figured my melodic voice would have sent you to dreamland a while ago." I smirked, and glanced over at him to see him peeking a glance at me through half lidded eyes.

"In your dreams, bud." Roxas replied as he quickly shut his eyes to try and pretend that he hadn't been looking at me.

"I think you mean in yours." He scrunched his eyebrows together in mock anger but kept his eyes shut tight. I smiled to myself, seeing as I had won the battle, and continued humming until I pulled into the parking lot. As I cut the engine I looked over to see Roxas out cold in his seat, a tiny line of drool pooled at the corner of his lips that almost made me laugh aloud, but he was so adorable in his sleep I didn't want to wake him. As quietly as I could I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened my door as I strolled around to the other side of the car. It was awkward pulling Roxas out because he was curled up against the window, but as quickly as I could I opened the door and gently caught him as he fell out. He grunted in his sleep but didn't wake up, and so I swiftly moved Roxas so I was all but giving him a piggy-back ride. After kicking the door shut with my foot I shifted Roxas on my back and made my way inside. Since it was around nine there weren't many people in the hall, so I did my best to make my way up to Roxas's room without running into anyone, especially Elena, but as I rounded a corner a spikey mass of brown hair ran headfirst into my chest. I let out a grunt as the wind was knocked out of me; Sora did have a hard head. And looked down to see Sora stumbling away dazed and Riku shaking his head with a chuckle behind him.

"What the…oh, Axel! Hey what's up!" As he looked up with a genuine smile on his face, but when he me put a finger to my lips to signal to be quiet and blonde spikes peeking out from behind my own mass of hair, his face scrunched up in confusion. "Is that…my brother on your back?" He asked, trying to whisper but doing it loud enough to be considered a regular talking volume.

At this, Riku piped up from behind him. "Of course it is Sora, who the heck else would it be? Axel and him are practically joined at the hips." He chuckled at his own joke, and I shot him a look to shut up cause I never knew where Elena could pop out at, but he only smirked at me. Bastard. But as it turned out I didn't have to worry about Elena. Instead when I looked down at Sora, I realized that he was the one I should be worried about. His face at stayed scrunched up in confusion, but there was a certain look I couldn't read across his face. I realized after a couple seconds that look was just how Sora looked when he was thinking really hard about something, which was a look I had to admit I didn't often see.

"How close are you and my brother?" He finally asked with uncertainty, and from behind I saw Riku's smirk falter as he realized his joke may have been taken too seriously.

I froze, unsure of just how to answer the brunette, and in my hesitation his assumptions ran free without giving me the chance to shot them down. "Um, well you see, it's like this…" But as I started to explain, Sora seemed to realize without me saying it that my relationship with Roxas had gone farther than just friends, and his eyes lit up with an unknown emotion. When he launched at me fist raised I realized the emotion was anger, which was so foreign to his features. Riku seemed to have sensed his attack coming and had already pinned Sora's arms back before he had the chance to punch me, though I doubted there would have been much muscle behind his punch even if he had. Sora wrestled harshly against Riku, but it was obvious to see it wasn't much of a fight. Riku looked over Sora's head to address me.

"Did you sleep with him?" His face was stone hard, and the question was so blank I almost shouted out my answer.

"What? No! Of course not, I wouldn't do something that stupid to him he's too young!" I was so frantic to clear up the mess I'd gotten myself into I spoke too loud and Roxas mumbled into my hair and shifted on my back, but thankfully remained asleep. "Here, I want to clear things up with you guys, just let me put Roxas in his room, and then I'll meet you guys in your room." Without waiting for a response I rushed past them towards the stairs up to Roxas's room.

Once inside I gently pulled Roxas awkwardly off my back as I pulled him covers back and laid him down. Feeling like a mother hen I untied his shoes and set them down on the floor next to the bed, but didn't mess with any other of his clothing. I wasn't up to undressing Roxas for bed, especially with his brother downstairs wanting my head on a silver platter. So with a kiss placed innocently atop his tufts of spikey blonde hair I slid out of the room as quickly as I could and shut the door slowly with a gentle thud.

I all but ran down the hallways, trying my best to give composed polite smiles and nods as I passed the other workers getting ready for bed, but I was so frazzled I didn't think I'd done a very good job. At the same time though, I didn't really care all that much. Finally I arrived at Sora and Riku's room and knocked once before cracking the door open and cautiously sticking my head in. "Hey." I told them quietly, and Riku nodded for me to come in. Once I closed the door I stood awkwardly in front of them, one hand pressed into my pocket and the other fumbling with the hair on the back of my head. "Listen, I just want to clear things up with you guys. I didn't sleep with Roxas, that would have been the worst possible thing I could do to him."

"Then why were you so hesitant to answer me! You seemed so suspicious, that's why I freaked." Sora replied, a hint of anger still on his voice but it wasn't as strong anymore.

"Sora, he's only sixteen, not only is that completely illegal but that would have made me the biggest dickwad in the world. I know he's not ready for something that serious, plus I, shit, I dunno, we're not even remotely near that. All we, all we've done is…kissed." I was pretty sure by that time my face was probably the same color as my hair and my cheeks were burning. This should be Roxas's job, talking with his boyfriend/bodyguard, not mine. The two's eyes were slightly widened.

"Who kissed who first?" Riku piped up this time as he leaned back with his hands behind his head against his pillows. God damn it as if this couldn't get any worse…

"Um, well, I think it was Roxas who kissed me first…" When the room was silent I wished I could seep into a puddle and slide out underneath the door. "But you know, it was kinda, uh, mutual?" For fuck's sakes I was the worst at coming up with the right words under pressure.

At my last comment Riku let out a loud laugh, and once Sora joined in the tension decreased significantly. "Well I'd hope it'd have been mutual," the silverette laughed out.

"Ok, ok, stop laughing at me…." I muttered embarrassedly. "Am I free to go yet?" I felt like I was under interrogation, minus a blinding light shown in my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, get out of here. Just, don't do anything stupid, and next time I ask you a question don't take forever to get back to me on it, especially when it's important." Sora scolded me, and Riku grinned at him while shaking his head in amusement. With a nod I said my goodbyes and slipped out, shutting the door with a heavy sigh of relief. By now it was around ten, and though I may sound like a whimp it had been a long day, and I was exhausted as fuck. With heavy feet I found my way back to my room, and I shut the door and flipped the lock not wanting any disturbances to get between me and a full eight hours of glorious sleep.

That was, until I turned and saw a lump on my bed. My brain was moving a bit sluggishly, but I could have been asleep and still known that Roxas had wormed his way into my comfortable bed. "Rox, what the hell are you doing…?" I mumbled as I fumbled with my jeans and slid them off and pulled my t-shirt off. I was about to go rummage around for a different sleeping shirt and bum it in my boxers for the night, when I felt eyes on me and looked over at my bed. Roxas had sat up, and he looked like he had been about to say something, but now even in the dim lighting I saw his cheeks flush a deep red as he stared blatantly at my semi-nakedness.

"Am I really that gorgeous Roxas? I mean, you can't even take your eyes off me long enough to realize I know you're all but drooling over me." I slipped him a cocky grin when he looked up, his face darker now that I had called him out on it, and found a shirt and slid it on. Now sure, I wasn't some muscular hunk of a guy, and I was pretty skinny, but I had muscles. And I couldn't lie to myself and say I wasn't a scrawny skinny whimp, I was thin with muscles and in Roxas's eyes, apparently this meant I oozed sexiness. That was why I put my shirt back on so quickly. After that talk with his brother I didn't want any misunderstandings or to make him uncomfortable.

"Shut up, bastard." He muttered embarrassedly as he pulled the covers over his head in defeat.

"Woah, woah, hold up a sec." I walked over and pulled the covers off of him. "This is my bed, bud, and if Elena caught you in here I would be fired without a second thought. I'd like to cuddle tonight too," the blush that was just about to fade away flooded back, "but not here, not now. We have to wait till she cools down a little."

Five minutes later I was in bed, with a happy spiky haired blonde whose arm was happily tucked around me. "Roxas, I'm serious, you have to go back soon. Do you want me to get fired? Is this some big ploy to actually get me to have to leave and then-" A small snore indicated Roxas was gone, and I let out an overly melodramatic sigh. "Shit kid, the things I let you get away with. You're like a spoiled dog or something."

"I heard that," faintly floated up to my ears from his mouth, slightly smothered by my shirt.

"Oh of course, now you hear me." I rolled my eyes, and with one hand ruffled his hair with little protest, and for one more night I let him have his way. I let my eyelids slide shut, and that night I dreamed of Ferris wheels and cotton candy flavored lips.

* * *

A/N: Another update, who knew it would ever happen again! Thanks for being so patient with me guys, summer's busy and college is a couple weeks away so it's been crazy getting chapters done, but thanks for your continued support, and please read and review!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Hello my lovely readers! It's finally summer, and I've finally got some time off from my summer job which means I can actually update for once! Thank you all for your patience and continued support for me as I write this story, it's been a long work in process and isn't over yet but with your reviews and favorites/followers I never run out of motivation to keep writing! :) Thanks again, you guys are fantastic! Please review!

* * *

I slept fitfully throughout the night. Towards morning I found myself waking up every half an hour or so, and I attributed it to the fear of having Elena stumbling in on us in the morning. But every time I looked down to shake Roxas awake and sneak him back to his room, his angelic sleeping face made me feel guilty if I woke him up, so I let him sleep.

At around six in the morning I sleepily rolled Roxas out of bed and as gently as I could without waking him carried the small blonde to his own room. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest as I nervously darted around corners and up the stairs as fast as I could while carrying Roxas to avoid Elena at all costs. By the time I got to Roxas's room I was sweating and breathing deeply, but whether it was from carrying Roxas up the stairs or nerves was hard to tell.

I laid Roxas down and pulled his blankets over top of him, and as I pushed back his blonde spikes off of his forehead and leaned down to gentle kiss the top of his head I couldn't help but think how young he looked in his sleep. Then I froze just inches from him.

What was I doing? I pulled back and stumbled a few steps away from Roxas's bed. Dear God, what was I doing? I was allowing myself to fall for a sixteen year old! I was twenty one, almost twenty two, not only was that a five and a half year age difference but it was also incredibly illegal.

I knew that even though Roxas was only sixteen, he had seen more than his fair share of the world and the terrible things it can hold. He was not as innocent or sheltered as many sixteen year olds, but I didn't want to take away what was left of his innocence by having him involved with someone so much older. I turned and all but ran out of his room, shutting the door silently behind me before heading towards my room. With wide eyes as the realization of just what I was doing sinking in, and my hands shaking because I knew what I was doing was wrong but I cared too much for Roxas to let what we had go, I found my feet taking me away from my room and instead outside.

It was cool out for a spring morning, and the sun was just starting to rise over the city buildings across from me. With a heavy sigh I sat down with my back pressed against the brick wall of the agency and watched silently as rays of golden sunlight began to wash over the city before me.

As Roxas slept soundly three stories above me, I thought to myself how I'd let everything get so serious without even stopping to really think about the consequences. I was supposed to be the older, more mature and responsible one, yet I'd let myself get caught up in my emotions. And now, I was too emotionally attached to Roxas to just leave him, and there was no way for me to leave him without messing the poor kid up more. What had I done? I was pretending that what was happening wasn't illegal and wrong and….and…

"Fuck!" I shouted in frustration, slamming my fist down on the pavement next to me. "How can something that feels like the best thing that's ever happened to me be so wrong?" I didn't understand, and my head with swirling with emotions, but I knew that I had to do something. To acknowledge that Roxas and I's relationship was wrong but to do nothing about it would be worse for us in the long run. But I just couldn't let him go. My feelings for Roxas wouldn't go away, and I couldn't – and wouldn't- just leave him. But right now, the longer I kept pretending that nothing was wrong with what we were doing, the more I was lying to myself and to Roxas. "What am I supposed to do?" I mumbled to myself as I held my head in my heads, frustrated and confused.

"Axel?" I jumped in surprise, and looked over to find a sleepy yet concerned looking Demyx standing by the doorway. "Hey, you ok man?" The dirty blonde walked over next to me without waiting for an answer and sat down.

"Dem…I don't know. I'm just, confused." Demyx nodded, and looked out at the sunrise.

"Roxas, right? I could tell you guys were getting pretty close. Well, Zexion mentioned it first, but once he said it I saw it too, ya know? Zexy's good with emotions and reading people like that." I found that hard to believe, seeing as his emotional range was shorter than my thumb, but I didn't question it.

"Yeah, it's Roxas." I sighed. "Dem, I think I've gotten in too deep with him. He's too young, or well, I'm too old, and I'm supposed to me his mentor and teacher and I'm…"

"…In love with him." The words sucked all the air from my lungs as the realization of their truth sunk in. I was. That was what made this whole, sticky situation that much worse.

I was in love with Roxas.

"What do I do Dem?" I asked quietly, unsure of everything accept the realization I had just come to.

For a while, Demyx didn't say anything. Finally though, he broke the silence. "Listen Axel, this isn't the advice I'd normally give in this kind of situation, but here it goes. Roxas is an amazing kid, and he's been through more than his fair share of life at only sixteen, and that's made him have to grow up a lot faster than most kids. When I first started working here, you wouldn't have been able to recognize Roxas from the person he is now. He was more like how he acted in the beginning when you first met him, but even worse.

Roxas was just a broken, shell of the person he is when he's around you. I mean, he's smiled more since you've got here in these past few months than I'd ever seen him smile in all the years I worked here before you. Ok, so it may not be the best situation age wise, and Elena's wary of the whole relationship you guys have, but that's part of her job, protecting these kids. The thing is Roxas needs someone he can trust and who cares about him and right now, that's you. As long as you don't mess with him emotionally or fool around with him, and try and tone down how close you guys are around everyone else, you should be ok."

For Demyx's reputation as the goofy, never-serious guy, he was surprisingly insightful. "Thank you Dem, for everything." With a typical wide and goofy smile, Demyx patted me on the back and moved to stand up, offering out a hand to pull me up with him. I gladly accepted.

"Thank you too, Ax. You've done great things for this agency, I'm glad to work with you, and to be able to call you a friend."

I let out a loud laugh and slung my arm around Demyx's shoulders. "Aw ya big softie I'm glad to have you as a friend too!" And just like that, the world seemed to shift back to normal, and my head stopped spinning and my heart soared. I loved Roxas, and that wasn't a terrible crime.

* * *

By lunch time I was feeling the effects of getting up so earlier, and my head was bobbing dangerously close to my mashed potatoes before a hand slapped me in the face. I jerked up, my eyes blinking rapidly in surprise. They narrowed though, when I saw Larxene sitting across from me half sneering half smirking. "Larxene," I grumbled as I picked up my fork and poked around at my lunch. "And to what do I owe this honor of you gracing me with your presence during lunch?"

"Shove it, Fire Crotch. I wouldn't be sitting here if I didn't absolutely need to talk to you." She growled. I arched an eyebrow in response and waited for her majesty to continue. "A little bird told me you used to live in that real classy neighborhood off 38th and 39th Avenue, is that true?" Larxene's face had hardened a bit, and as much as I hated talking about my childhood, I nodded. "I need your help with something then. I need to go down to that neighborhood to look for someone, but I need someone who knows the area, that's where you come in."

I scoffed in response. "Larx, I lived there for a year in a foster home, I didn't exactly have any street cred as a lanky redheaded punk. Plus, that was when I was sixteen, things have changed since then. How am I supposed to help you?"

Larxene paused, and stared me down for a few of the longest seconds of my life. "I _need _to find someone down there. It's extremely important, and you're one of the last chances I have at finding this guy." There was something in her eyes that made me believe her, and against my better judgment, I pulled out my cell phone.

"Let me make a call." I slipped out of my seat and headed of the kitchen. Just as I slipped out through the delivery door the person on the other end picked up.

"Yo, it's Reno!"

I chuckled, typical Reno. "What up man?"

There was a pause on the other end. "Can it really be…Axel? Is that you man!" I laughed, and we exchanged the standard 'Hey I haven't talked to you in over a year what's going on?' catch up talk until I decided it was time to get down to the dirt on why I'd called.

"Listen Reno, you still live down off of 38th Avenue?"

"Unfortunately man, that place went to the shitter. You're lucky you got out when you got to." I didn't really expect much else from that area, but I kept my inner opinions to myself.

"Damn, sorry to hear that man. See, I got a co-worker at the agency here who needs someone who knows the area. She's looking for someone, not sure who, but it seems pretty damn important. Think you could help?" I expected the pause on Reno's end. It wasn't a small favor asking someone to poke around in his own neighbor's businesses, especially down in Reno's neighborhood where people got stabbed just for looking at somebody the wrong way. But since I mentioned Larxene was a girl, I knew he'd be a bit more interested in the situation.

"I dunno Axel…I mean I want to help, but you know this place. You mind your own shit, and if not, you'll end up dead for it. Plus, I don't even know who you're looking for, what the situation is…I just can't say yes for sure man, ya know?"

"Hell yeah I completely understand dude, could you maybe stop by the agency today? My co-worker could talk to you about all the details of the situation and then maybe you at least can know what you'd be getting into before you agree." Reno agreed, and after we worked out the details on time and where the agency was, we said our goodbyes until later.

"So, who'd you call? What happened?" Larxene pestered me the moment I walked back to the table, which was now also filled by Demyx and Zexion.

"Just a friend who still lives there. He'll be here at four thirty to meet with us, so he can get the full story on what he's getting himself into before he agrees. It not the best area, and if he's going to stick his neck out for us he needs to get all the details straight." Larxene nodded, seemingly satisfied with my answer, before getting up.

"All right, I'll see you in the office then." And without a thank you or even a simple goodbye, Larxene left in her typical fashion.

"Whah wah thah abouh?" Demyx asked with a mouth full of mashed potatoes. Zexion shook his head in disappointment and looked down at the book he'd brought with him, seemingly bored before I'd even had a chance to answer.

"Larxene's looking for someone in one of the neighborhoods I used to live, so I called a buddy of mine over to see if he could help." I shrugged. "Typical day in the neighborhood I guess." Demyx nodded vigorously.

"Larxene always seems to be looking for someone. Normally it's guys who used to deal to her when she was younger. Larxene came from a messed up home as well as you Axel, and she pulled herself out of her neighborhood on nothing but sheer will power and her fierce attitude." Zexion piped in quietly.

"Yeah, she may be a cranky pants most of the time, but it's not hard to tell why." Demyx nodded in agreement.

"Why's she looking for those guys?" I asked, unsure whether or not Reno could help since he tried his damn hardest to stay away from those kind of guys. Mainly cause those kind of guys loved to pick a fight with lanky red-heads, and I knew this from first-hand experience. And though Reno was more than capable of handling himself, it was a hassle he liked to avoid.

"Her own personal vendetta of sorts, I suppose." Zexion replied. "She finds out if the men who used to deal to her are still in the area and are still involved with selling drugs, and gives whatever information she can to the police. It's her way of trying to cut down on the drugs floating through these city neighborhoods. So many times it's parents that get involved in drugs and can't care for their own children, like many of the kids here. It's her way of trying to help end what used to consume her own life."

"Wow." To be honest, I was pretty surprised with that news. Larxene could be a real bitch most days, but I gained a new level of respect for her. Roxas's mother had gotten involved in drugs which had led him and Sora to end up here, and to try and stop that from happening to other kids was something I admired Larxene for.

Then I looked down to see 'ginger' had been written in my mashed potatoes. I sighed. How could someone with such a noble mission be such an asshole to the rest of us?

When lunch ended, I walked with Demyx and Zexion to our classroom and began to get ready for the rest of today's lessons. We had decided to have a group session after lunch, which meant that not only were the kids we individually tutored there but also the rest of the kids in their grade level. It seemed to be going good for the first few we'd had. There was something about having discussions and learning in a group along with the one-on-one tutoring that seemed to make these kids actually care about learning. Sure, I was no real teacher, but it was rewarding to see these kids not miserable by being in 'school.'

Today was going pretty much as usual; kids were chatting and discussing some history topic and I was grading my papers while Demyx bubbled around keeping the conversation going excitedly. Then, a voice commenting caught my attention, and apparently Zexion and Demyx's too. It was Roxas.

He was actually getting involved in the conversation, talking with another girl about the topic at hand. But it wasn't the points that Roxas made that were so amazing, simply the fact that Roxas was talking and making an effort to talk to other students was such a change from when I'd first met him. Normally he only associated with Sora and Riku and me. Now, Roxas and Namine were talking in class, and he seemed so comfortable and casual about it, not worried or anxious. I was like a proud parent beaming in the back of the room. Demyx glanced my way, and we shared a brief moment of heart swelling pride, before Demyx moved to wrap up the conversation since class was almost done.

Later on when the kids had some free time before dinner I slipped away to take a quick nap. My sleep was always a little off around the agency, but after a long night of barely any sleep and an early morning I was dead. But just as I was starting to slip off to sleep a loud aggressive knocked made me nearly roll out of bed. Stumbling and shaking the sleep out I made my way to the door and, frustrated that I just couldn't find two minutes to sleep, threw it open.

"Shit. Shit shitty shit I'm coming, I'm ready." I mumbled to an agitated looking Larxene in the hallway. Ugh I couldn't believe I'd forgotten. Reno would be here soon, and I just wasn't in the mood to deal with this. But remembering the nobleness of Larxene's personal mission, I put on my big boy pants and wandered out after her.

We walked in silence to the office, Larxene consumed by her own thoughts which left me to yawn freely behind her thinking about the nap I could have been taking.

When we got to the office though, I saw a familiar red ponytail reading a poster on the wall with his back to us and a smile broke out on my face. Reno was a good friend, a bit wild, but a good friend none the less and I had missed him. But just as I called out his name and he turned with his typical cocky Reno smirk on his face, his smile vanished and his face drained of color, his eyes on the person next to me.

"La-Larxene?" he asked, voice shaking. I turned confused to see an absolutely furious Larxene blur by me and lunge at Reno.

"Reno you filthy piece of shit!" She screeched, her hands lunging dangerously close to Reno's neck before opting instead to grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him towards her. "You're the one I've been looking for!" I cringed at the irony of this situation. But, what did Larxene need with Reno?

"Reno, you deal now?" I asked, aggravation lacing my tone.

"Wait, what? Dude I've never touched that stuff you know me!"

"If you fucking tell me you're a drug dealer too I will kill you in this office." Larxene hissed as the three of us began to try to shout to be heard over each other in a rush of confusion and emotions.

"Ok, wait…wait, SHUT UP!" I shouted as the two started to go at each other. "What the heck is going on here?" In a moment of silence between the two I grabbed an arm on each and separated them before steering them towards an empty conference room and shutting the door. "Ok explain. Now."

Reno looked nervously over at Larxene, clearly not going to be the one to explain. Larxene however crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair getting comfortable for a story. I sighed. It looked like there was definitely no time for a nap now.

"Well Axel, I have to thank you for helping me out. I just thought you'd help me find the bastard that knocked me up when I was eighteen, not deliver him to my workplace." It took a moment for the news to sink in, but when it did I just felt my jaw drop as I stared at Reno.

"No you fucking didn't man," I groaned. "Please, tell me it's a joke. A sick, cruel joke."

Reno, whose face had yet to return to its normal color, only managed a grim shake of his head. "Can't" he all but whimpered out. With Reno's communication skills severely lacking I turned to Larxene again to urge her to continue.

Larxene cleared her throat. "Listen Axel, there's not much to tell. I was eighteen and pretty messed up on drugs, dropped out of high school, and ended up meeting Reno at a bar one night. I was high, and everything about that night's a bit fuzzy, but Reno and took me home with him. You can fill in the rest on your own.

Three weeks later I find out I'm pregnant, and when I found out it was Reno who knocked me up I found him to tell him and he denied everything and bolted. For a while I didn't care about him and I decided to take on being pregnant by myself. But things changed, and four years later I found myself here, trying to make a difference in kids' lives so they don't end up in the same situation I did. I've been trying to find Reno for a long time, to personally thank him for fucking up my life just enough for me to decide to make a change and stop letting douchebags like him ruin my life and other kids lives and get away with it." A pointed glare Reno's way signaled the end of the story.

I sighed heavily, as I ran a hand through my spikes taking in the story. Looking over at Reno, I saw the guy was a mix of emotions, and looked as if he might cry and scream all at the same time. In Reno fashion I almost expected a joking comment, a way to try and talk his way out of the situation. But what I wasn't expecting was the almost whispered question he asked a few moments after Larxene was finished.

"W-what happened to…the baby?"

Larxene's face grew darker. "Miscarriage. I didn't know for three weeks, and I was such a mess I still used. It never had a chance in this fucked up world."

Reno's face was so pale it seemed it would soon turn transparent. "My God, what did I do?" Reno leaned forward, head in his hands. "Larxene, I can't even….I can't even begin to apologize for what I've done. I've regretted what I did that day, walking out on the mess I made and denying everything, every single day. I just, I don't even know where to begin to try to make it up to you, for everything I've put you through."

At this comment, Larxene smirked. "Oh, I have a few things in mind. For starters, I hope you don't have any weekend commitments, since you're volunteering here. I talked to Elena about it, and

you'll be supervised since you won't be a hired worker, but you'll be here from 9-5 Saturday and Sunday."

"You sure you want him around these kids?" Reno shot me a look of 'thanks for having my back jack-ass', but I shrugged it off. I mean, Reno was a great friend but he liked to get a bit too friendly with the ladies. That worried me.

"That's why Mr. I-Can't-Keep-It-In-My-Pants is going to be supervised. Plus, I think volunteering with these kids will give him a new outlook on his habits in the bedroom and as a person. A lot of these kids came from parents that went through exactly what happened to me, and they end up here because of broken families, drugs, and parents that don't give a crap."

Reno nodded sincerely, which was a big surprise to see Reno listening to a chick and not trying to pick her up. The conversation then took a turn to discuss exactly what Reno would be doing volunteering, and I decided that now that no one seemed to be in danger of being attacked I should give them some time alone. Plus, nap time was still be interrupted.

After a pleading 'don't leave me' look from Reno as I shrugged by shoulders and mouthed that I'd be praying for him, I slipped out of the office and began to walk back to my room.

I shut my door again and let out a tired sigh, heading straight for my bed and not even bothering to change. This time though, I managed to catch a full thirty minutes of sleep with no interruptions. After my nap, feeling rested for the first time in a while, I happily joined my team, minus one Larxene who seemed to still be talking with Reno (yikes) for dinner duty.

After joking with Demyx and Zexion in the kitchen, being harassed for my hairnet this time by Sora and Riku and realizing I hadn't really seen Roxas all day, I helped out with evening chores, walked around with Elena for lights out, and finally waved goodnight to her as I slipped into my room. Fifteen minutes later just to be safe, I slipped back out of my room and headed up the stairs to Roxas's room.

A soft knock was all I needed to earn my welcome in, and I beamed when I saw my blonde sitting on his bed waiting for me. "Hey, Axel," he said with a soft smile, but there was something unusually timid about his tone and body language that made me uneasy as I shut the door.

"Roxas, hey, I haven't seen you all day. I'm sorry about that." I replied as I sat down beside him, careful not to press my boundaries with Roxas seeming on edge. "But hey, I heard you talking in class today, and I couldn't have been more proud!" I told him excitedly, and I saw his eyes brighten a bit.

"You did?" He asked happily. "I wasn't sure if you had been paying attention or not." Then I understood, as Roxas relaxed and leaned his head against my shoulder. "I just…I woke up here and then I couldn't find you for a while and it's just been a weird day not talking to you. Is it stupid to say I missed you?" I swore the kid could probably hear my heart melting inside my chest at how cute he was.

"I'm sorry Roxas; it's been a crazy weird day. And no, it's not stupid, nothing you do is stupid. I, I missed you to." I leaned over gently and kissed the top of his head, his blonde spikes tickling my chin. Roxas smiled and shifted so he was facing me.

"Thanks, Ax," Roxas whispered as he leaned in timidly before gently pressing our lips together. Smiling into the kiss I snaked my hand up along his neck and rested my hand on the back of his head bringing him just a little bit closer. Roxas was so much more timid this time than on the Ferris wheel, and I could feel his hands shaking as they slide behind my neck. I pulled away after a few moments, and gave him a small, innocent kiss before separating us enough so I could look into his eyes. There was a cloud of emotions swirling in the blue I loved so much.

"I'm not going to push you farther than you're ready to, ok? I want you to always remember that." Relief seemed to wash of Roxas's face and he leaned in so our foreheads were touching.

"I know you never would, Axel. But it feels so good to hear you say that." Temptation made me lean in for one last kiss before I gently leaned Roxas back down onto his bed and pulled a blanket over him. He gave me a confused pout. "Wait, where are you going?" I just chuckled and stood up.

"Listen, I'm already driving Elena crazy spending so much time with you. I can't risk doing something to get me fired, like spending every night in your bed. But I'll be right here, in case you get any nightmares." I smiled as I draped myself over the chair beside his bed to try and get comfortable.

Roxas flashed me one of his golden, sweet smiles. "I think as long as you're near me I won't have any more nightmares. Goodnight, Axel."

"Goodnight, Rox." I replied quietly, waiting for the moment when I knew he was sound asleep. "I love you, kid. Sweet dreams." And for the first time in a while, I fell asleep without a heavy heart and with a smile on my lips.

Just another typical day at work.


	10. Chapter 10

The middle of August is always so humid and sticky in this city. Sometimes I felt like if I just stopped moving, my feet would become fused to the pavement from the heat and I would just melt into a puddle shimmering in the sun. But I like the heat; I like to bask in the warmth. I think it's because it makes me feel safe when the heat is surrounding me, almost like it's hugging me and keeping me secure. I know the sun is going to rise each morning, and when it sets each night I know tomorrow it'll be back again to keep me warm. It's been a constant in my life I can always count on; unlike many people I've cared about and I thought cared for me too. Like dear old mom.

I'd gotten up early that morning to see the sunrise. Even before the sun peaked over the horizon, the air was still so humid my hair was sticking to the back of my neck. I sat on the roof, my lanky legs dangling over the side of the building. When thick beams of sunlight started to spill over the horizon, I felt like I could stretch out my legs and if I let go of the building I could walk across them infinitely.

As I let the light slowly creep over me, I thought about how far things had come since I joined the agency almost a year ago. I'd gained enough of Elena's trust now that I could take Roxas on trips outside the agency as long as they were only for a day and kept on the down low. Demyx had become my best friend, and occasionally Zexion and I had talks that lasts for longer than 'here's my reports for the day,' which was a big step for us. Larxene was, well…still a bitch but I knew now I'd be more worried if she wasn't bitching at me than if she was. Reno was getting accustomed to volunteering with this crazy cast of characters, and there was something in the way Larxene and him bantered and the look he got whenever she walked in the room that confused me, made me gag because it was Larxene, and made me feel happy for what was slowly blossoming between them. They were friends now, reluctantly in some ways, but their personalities meshed surprisingly well. Probably because they could both be raging assholes, but love is blind after all.

And then of course, there was Roxas. Every day I fell more and more in love with him than I was the day before. Sure we had little arguments over petty things now and again, but there was an undeniable divine connection between us that I could never put into words. Sometimes I would try and come up with the perfect way to describe Roxas, but how can you describe something that's so unbelievable and perfectly imperfect when the words don't exist?

But I still hadn't told him that I loved him out right yet though, and that was partly way I had found myself tossing and turning, unable to fall back asleep, to the point where I decided to get some air. Since Roxas and I weren't really in a relationship by conventional terms, I felt that all rules and regulations tied into relationships weren't applicable. We didn't keep track of how long we'd been 'together' because our relationship felt like we'd known each other for years that far exceeded the actual amount of time we'd even known each other for. But I felt that it was the right moment, today, to tell him the extent of my feelings for him. I'd waited because I didn't want to scare him or rush him with feelings he didn't understand or reciprocate.

Yet in the way Roxas looked at me, I could feel that he loved me too. We didn't say it with our voices, but we said it in our eyes.

In the afternoon, the sun beat down on my head with such intensity I could feel my hair wilting in the heat. I squinted from the brightness as I kept a vigilant watch over the youngest children scurrying around the little playground that backed up to the agency building. At one point in time I'd been rocking my aviators, the coolest day-care worker around, until a little boy around five years old ran up begging to look at them and then ran away triumphantly with my sunglasses awkwardly engulfing his tiny face.

In the afternoon heat wave I was basking in my element. As I wandered around keeping an eye on the kids in the sunlight, I couldn't help but laugh at Zexion slumping in the shadow of the wall hiding from the heat and Demyx's protective claim of the nearby water fountain. When it was finally time for dinner and to round up the kids, I could tell I'd gotten a tan while Demyx's face resembled a lighter shade of the color of my hair.

"Why does this always happen to me!?" Demyx whined as we ushered the kids in and steered them towards the cafeteria. "I look like a freaking lobster! I like the water but I shouldn't look like something that lives in it!" Zexion shook his head, the tiniest of smirks playing on his lips as he glanced over at Demyx.

"Yet you always run to the sunniest spots," Zexion mumbled, dodging children running past us towards the food. He glanced around carefully, and when he saw there were no more kids outside he placed the quickest of kisses on Demyx's cheeks before hurrying inside. Demyx's face turned a deeper red, unused to any type of public affection from Zexion, but the smile that engulfed his entire face made me think he didn't mind it at all.

Instead of being on food duty for dinner, I had to help Reno with some of his volunteer duties. With it being Saturday, there were about a million other things that I'd rather do than wander the halls sweeping and cleaning classrooms, but Reno was always a character so I figured it wouldn't be too bad.

Until I found myself wandering around the building trying to find the sneaky son of a bitch when he was twenty minutes late meeting me. "Fuck, really Reno?" I grumbled as I scanned the hallways, getting more and more frustrated the more I realized that I was going to have to work late cleaning because of this dumbass.

I finally found him at the end of a hallway, his back to me but the bright red of his hair and that damn ponytail he wore was a dead giveaway. "Yo, Reno! Where the fuck have you-?" My words caught in my throat as Reno turned around, and I caught sight of blonde spikes and blue eyes standing with him. "Roxas?"

Reno threw me one of his famous cocky grins and waved, but I kept my eyes on Roxas, who seemed uneasy. "Axel my man! What's up? Look who I just got the pleasure of meeting!" He turned and smirked at Roxas, who returned the expression with a timid small smile. "Larxene was tellin' me you've been getting to be real close friends with this kid, and I can see why. He's such a sweetheart; and adorable too." Reno turned back to me and added, "I could just eat him up." A wink.

That cocky mother fucking asswipe who'd fuck anything living douchebag fuck face; he fucking winked! How did he think he was? I mean for fuck's sake Larxene and him were the ones starting a thing, and I knew Reno was a shameless flirt but to say that about a sixteen year old he'd just met, the one who he knew was with me? He thought he could get out of working, try and chum it up with the kid I was in love with, and then have the nerve to hit on him in front of me? Fuck no.

"Reno, you fucking idiot you're half an hour late for volunteering, go get your sorry redheaded ass to the janitor closet and start doing some work." I tried to be calm, but I knew I all but snarled at him. Roxas's face was a deep crimson color, and Reno dead panned.

"What's up your ass yo? I was trying to give your little friend here a complement. Sorry he's too damn cute I can't control myself." Reno let out a playful laugh, but Roxas's face grew more uncomfortable and red, and I knew it was less that he was embarrassed and more that the situation made him uncomfortable with his history.

"Shut up." I growled, and pointed down the hallway behind me. "Reno I'm not playing just go do your damn job." My blood was boiling. I didn't want anyone to talk to Roxas like that, and especially not Reno.

"Alright, alright calm down yo I'm going." Reno put his hands up defensively in my direction, but turned back to Roxas before leaving. "See you around, cutie!" He smirked at Roxas, and as he turned back to walk down the hallway I was already next to him. I couldn't remember how I got there so quick, or when I raised my arm and clenched my fist. Normally I didn't have that bad of a temper, but whenever I got pissed, I lost myself. When I was younger and I got kicked out, I learned quick the world is not a kind place, and it's either learn to protect yourself or learn how to take a beating.

My fist made a sickening crack as it made solid contact with the right half of Reno's jaw. I knew I didn't break it, mainly because I could feel my hand wasn't broken, but I knew it'd leave a nasty mark. Reno recoiled from the force, and stumbled into the wall swearing and clutching his face. We both stood, panting from the adrenaline, my hand pulsing and starting to swell at the knuckles. This wasn't the first time Reno and I had ever punched each other when we were pissed, and when Reno smirked at me I knew it wouldn't be the last.

"Damn yo, you're slipping. Last time you almost broke my jaw, I don't even know if I'll get a bruise from this." He pushed himself off the wall and walked up to me. "I'd give it back to ya if I knew I hadn't gone too far, but I know when I've fucked up. Sorry, man." I nodded, always wary of the sincerity in Reno's apologies, but when he lightly patted me on the shoulder and walked away without saying anything to Roxas, swearing as he felt his jaw, I hoped he actually meant it.

And then my attention switched to Roxas, and I felt a wave of panic wash over me. Roxas hated fighting, and it scared him when people were physically aggressive. And there we were; my hand swollen and red from nearly breaking Reno's jaw and my legs glued to the floor in panic and shame, and Roxas shaking and his eyes blinking back tears. When one finally slipping free and rolled slowly down his cheek, I moved forward to tell him I had made a mistake, and that I'd never do something like that again.

But when he jerked away, and couldn't look me in the eyes, I could almost hear my heart snap. "I-I'm sorry Axel, I just…. I can't…" He turned and bolted down the hallway, and I couldn't move from my frozen state until Roxas was gone and his footsteps no longer echoed back down the hallway. The only thing I could do was brace my arm against the wall to stop myself from collapsing in a pathetic heap on the ground. Poor Roxas had gone through the stress of Reno, then me punching the guy in the face. I hadn't even thought, I'd just blindly jumped into the situation, what little street instincts I still had had taken over full force.

The worst part was though, I scared myself. I couldn't even trust myself, how could I expect Roxas to?

I composed myself after a few minutes, and went to help Reno finish cleaning up for the night. It was awkward as hell at first, but I told him why I snapped and we forgave each other. But I kept to myself that Roxas had freaked and ran off. I didn't want to vent and worry to Reno when it was my problem, and I knew exactly what I had to do to fix it.

But first, I had to deal with Larxene.

"You fuck face!" Larxene tugged hard on the back of my hair, and I let out an un-masculine yelp in surprise, nearly falling out of my chair. It had taken me and Reno longer to clean up since we started so late, and I had almost forgotten about our weekly staff meeting. Larxene sat down heavily in the seat across from me, glaring daggers. "Nice bruise you gave Reno. What a good friends to nearly break his jaw and give him a bruise like that." Demyx and Zexion looked over from next to me in surprise.

"Dude, did you really do that?" Demyx asked nervously.

"Yeah he did! Reno wouldn't tell me why though, the asshole. Did he try and borrow some hair dye, or use your hairbrush? Not that you'd be able to tell with both of your freakishly colored hair."

I wasn't in the mood to deal with this attitude. "Shut up Larxene, it's none of your business. I promise not to put anymore scratches on your pretty little boy-toy though; I didn't know you were so protective." Larxene turn red and I could almost see smoke start pouring out of her ears. Just as she opened her mouth to yell at me again, Elena walked in to start the meeting.

It was boring and generic, except that a nearby agency across town was getting overcrowded so we were going to be getting some new kids in the next couple weeks, and I wished that I could will time to go by faster so I could go talk to Roxas. But it wasn't till the end of the meeting, just when I thought I was home free, that Larxene decided to publicly enact a show of revenge that she shouldn't have even been getting.

"Oh, and before I forget there's a couple workshops in Fairsville going on next week, and we have to send three of you guys to it. It doesn't matter who, there's just some workshops of how to handle some of the conditions our kids have, and things on anger management and that kind of thing." Most of the room quietly groaned. Demyx told me that one time he'd volunteered to go to this kind of thing, and it was literally the most boring week of his life living out of a motel room and essentially attending a self-help/help-the-world kind of convention.

I hoped I could get out of it, because Zexion liked these kinds of academic conventions and volunteered himself and a very reluctant Demyx and there was only one spot left to fill. "What about you Larxene? An anger management session might be very good for you." Elena joked, about to write down Larxene's name, and I internally laughed. Until Larxene turned her eyes to me, a fierce maniacal grin spreading across her face.

"You know Elena that might actually be better for Axel. I mean, sure I have a temper but at least I don't go around punching people in the face." If we hadn't been in a meeting I may have punched Larxene too. I cautiously shifted my focus to Elena, who was giving me a very concerned look.

"Reno?" She asked, and all I could do was nod. "Well, I can't be too mad then because, well, it's Reno, but still. I can't have that kind of violence in this agency around these kids and not do something about it. So I'm sorry Axel but you're going to fill the last spot." Gloomily I nodded, and while Elena looked down to write my name I discretely flipped Larxene off. She only laughed, and got up with a sassy shrug as the meeting was decidedly finished.

I stayed and talked to Demyx and Zexion for a few minutes about this stupid convention I was being forced to attend, before excusing myself. It was already late, but I paced around my room for a good hour before venturing up to Roxas's room to make sure everyone else had already gone to bed.

As I walked up the empty hallways, I could almost hear my heartbeat echoing off the walls it was pounding so loud inside my chest. I didn't know how Roxas would react when I came in, and if he was still scared to be around me I would never forgive myself. But I knew the words I had to tell him; I'd been rehearsing them in my head ever since he'd run away from me.

Outside Roxas's door, I could see a small sliver of light slipping out into the hallway and I knew he was still up. Maybe that was good, I told myself, that he was waiting up for me. I said a quiet prayer in my head, something I rarely found myself doing, and turned the doorknob.

Roxas was sitting on his bed, cross-legged and facing the door. He smiled at me as I walked in, a small and fragile smile but a smile none the less. His blue eyes seemed deeper, and I could tell he'd been crying earlier. And as he opened his mouth to say something, all the words I'd kept inside since that afternoon, and this morning, poured out before I could even think.

"I can't blame you for being upset with me; I'm upset with myself. I could never ask you to love all of me all the time, because I don't even know all of who I am. Obviously today showed me that. But I want you to know that even though I don't know all of who I am, I still know that every part of me, even the unknown parts, loves you with a force that I can't put into words. I punched Reno because I was mad at him for saying all those things to you, because -yeah, I was jealous- but because it bothered you and I hate more than anything seeing you upset. And I'm furious with myself for the fact that I made you scared and uncomfortable but I promise that I will never let myself get like that ever again. Ever. Because I love you Roxas. I really, really do. More than anyone I have ever loved in my entire life. And I love you so much that I never want to make you scared of me or upset. I'm so sorry, and all I can hope is that you can forgive me."

I stood shaking by his door, slightly out of breath for how fast I had just spoken, and nervous with every passing second of silence that hung heavily between us.

"I'm not mad at you Axel," Roxas started, his voice barely above a whisper. "Sometimes, I'm so happy around you that I forget I have these parts of me that are on edge all the time. And then Reno was saying all those things, and it made me think of…and I was just so unstable already that when you punched him I just…I lost it. I'm sorry too." While Roxas was talking, I moved to sit on his bed next to him, and wiped away a couple stray tears that fell while he was trying so hard to talk bravely.

"You have nothing to apologize for." I told him, and he wrapped his arms around me and held on as tight as he could.

"I love you too, Axel," I told me, his voice slightly muffled as he buried his face in my shirt. "I love you so much I don't know what I'd ever do without you."

"Rox," I sighed, an in-suppressible smile of joy spreading across my face hearing him saying he loved me too. "As long as you want me, I'll never let you go." I knew when it came time for me to leave in a couple weeks for that conference it would be hard on Roxas. It'd be the longest we'd ever been apart since we met. But as he pulled away from me and leaned up, pressing our lips together into one of the sweetest kisses I'd ever had the pleasure of having, something told me we'd be all right.

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As always, I'm so sorry about the gaps between updates, but I promise that this story has not been abandoned! It's just a very loooonnnngggg work in process with school and work and creativity. But the support I've gotten from this story is INCREDIBLE, and I appreciate the reviews and favorites and messages of encouragement for this story more that I can show! So thank you guys so much and I hope you liked this new chapter! I absolutely love reviews too (almost as much as i love you guys and your awesome support!) so if you have the time to leave one, it'd make this writer's day! :) thanks again and enjoy!


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